6 yr old daughters need for attention/praise...and whines so much teachers are

[jenb]

complaining? My 6yr old thrives for a pat on the back. EVERYTIME for EVERYTHING. She has my love, help, i spend time with her like I do her sister but its like its not enough for her. She will put her clothes in the laundry room and come ask me if im proud she got it done. (after being told more than once to do it) I say good job and thank her for doing it. She yearns for any kind of praise. If she gets in trouble when timeout is over she will say are u happy I sat still. Lil things like that. She does this at school as well. Teachers will praise a child for going above and beyond and my daughter will say what did I do good. Or she will whine that she could have done it too. She is not deprived of anything. She probably gets more attention than my older child because of her neediness. Maybe im just making more of it than what it is. I divorced 3 yrs ago and i know it affected them as it would any child but this need for attention is fairly recent within past 6-8mos. She has a hard time making friends because she is so needy and whines when not praised. Im not talking whiny kid that wants something and cant have it. She will stand in front of you and wait if your busy to tell u something and when you ask her what she wants to tell you she always says " I love you" which is what makes her sooo sweet. She is the most huggable, cuddle bug that wants to be with you 24/7 and she snuggles with us, helps in the kitchen when she wants, play family games. the other day on a road trip it was raining and I took the dog out of the car to potty while we filled up the car. When dog got back in hes feet got my seat wet.I asked my oldest to grab a towel and she didnt hear me cuz she had earphones in... does anyone listen to me... My 6yr old looked at me and said "welcome to my world" Thats a big statement for her age. When i asked why she said it she said i always have something to tell you guys but never get a chance cuz everyone else wont shut up! Sad part is its partially true. When she does talk its whining or wanting something, or just says I Love you.
Ok bottom line... I have taken 2 separate days a week to spend time with my kids but one on one. Hoping it would help her feel confident and know shes loved unconditionally. BUT it has worsened because the other day i take to spend with my oldest, the 6yr old gets jealous and makes it hard when we come home from being out. What is this? what do I do? Do I just back off and make her understand the world doesnt revolve around her. Is anyone else experienced this or is this a cause for concern. My oldest is very independent so going from one extreme to another is making my head spin

 

[jude]

This is an insecure child and she and you could probably use a bit of counseling. There are things that you need to look at, such as, "She will put her clothes in the laundry room and come ask me if im proud she got it done. (after being told more than once to do it) I say good job and thank her for doing it." You are reinforcing her behavior. Are you really proud that you had to repeatedly ask her to do what she is supposed to do? Was it a good job, if she didn't do it the first time you asked? Would your boss thank you if you behaved this way? "She is not deprived of anything. She probably gets more attention than my older child because of her neediness." Why is she not deprived of some things? How does getting everything she wants help her character, enable her to deal with disappointments, or become less self absorbed? Why do you allow a six year old to take your attention from your older daughter?

This kid is running your life and figuratively kicking her sister out of the nest. It's time to take control over what you do. Don't praise her when you don't mean it. It's time to set some ground rules. Whining, pouting, and ruining your sister's Mom time will get you sent to your room, (no being talked out of it, no exceptions, no making deals, no caving in). In this case being isolated from her source of never ending praise will be punishment. Be frank with the child and step up and say, "no, I am not proud, glad, thrilled when she has done nothing to earn that praise. That business with, "I love you," is manipulation and another method of getting attention. You said it makes her, "sooo sweet," yes I know she's sweet when she says it, and it feeds something in you which is the hook. Your older daughter loves you too, do you just melt when she says it? I think it would benefit you and your younger daughter get to the bottom of what makes this relationship tick. She's getting all the attention and is still not satisfied, and you are getting something out of constantly trying to please this child. You are both set in a pattern that is not going to end well for the child.

Here are a few things you can read up on: http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/486857/does_your_child_crave_attention_know.html?cat=25 this one has an excellent exercise you can do with your child each day http://www.childrensdisabilities.info/parenting/attention-seeking.html I wish you luck and hope things get better for all of you.