detailed dont just say "its good"? for enlgish class i need to write an autobiographical essay about a short experience in my life. im doing mine on the time i first swam in the deep end at the pool (i was 6 years old). my teacher wants us to have hook and the hook can be an anecdote, and analogy, a quote. i did an analogy please tell me if it makes sense and isnt stupid. then he wants our thesis to have context (give setting of experience) then events leading up to the main event, stating the main event, and then significance (looking back on the experience) its not quite write yet but this is what ive got please tell me what you think and give corrections...
Accomplishment is much like a bird learning to fly. The bird will learn to flap its wings and flutter in the air for brief moments and then fall back into the comfort of its nest. The bird will follow after its mother and do as she does, but eventually, must go on its own away from its mother, away from its nest, and beyond its comfort zone. Humans must do the same and go past the stage of preparing and practicing and past their comfort zone in order to accomplish a goal. I had such an experience when I was six years old. My friend Jade and I were taking afternoon swimming lessons at the Country Club pool. On the final day of our lessons, we were expected to swim across the deep end without any assistance from our swim teacher. Despite that fact that I was a poor swimmer, this was the day I learned to leave my comforts of the shallow end and swim in the deep end. Looking back I see how this experience was a great accomplishment for me as a six year old.
Accomplishment is much like a bird learning to fly. The bird will learn to flap its wings and flutter in the air for brief moments and then fall back into the comfort of its nest. The bird will follow after its mother and do as she does, but eventually, must go on its own away from its mother, away from its nest, and beyond its comfort zone. Humans must do the same and go past the stage of preparing and practicing and past their comfort zone in order to accomplish a goal. I had such an experience when I was six years old. My friend Jade and I were taking afternoon swimming lessons at the Country Club pool. On the final day of our lessons, we were expected to swim across the deep end without any assistance from our swim teacher. Despite that fact that I was a poor swimmer, this was the day I learned to leave my comforts of the shallow end and swim in the deep end. Looking back I see how this experience was a great accomplishment for me as a six year old.