could you teach me who to write an introduction paragraph?

M

momotaro

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2010
Messages
1
Reaction score
0
Points
1
Essay question:
Many people feel that women make better parents than men do. Evaluate these argument and decide to what extent you agree.

this is my paragraph. could you please correct it?

During the growing of a child, mothers play an essential role at parenting. In view of this, the majority of people believe that females have a greater ability to educate and look after their children well than males. This essay will argue that men also suitable for taking care of children as good as women with regards to the biological, social and equal abilities aspects.

I also have got some questions
1. Can i write "During the growth process of a child " instead of 'the growing of a child"?
2. in sub-division of the last sentence "the biological, social and equal abilities aspects" is it grammatically correct?
 
Mothers play an essential role during the early development of a child. This would explain the majority view that females have a greater ability to educate and nurture their children than males. However, it might be argued that when it comes to the biological, social and developmental aspects of child rearing, men are every bit as proficient as women.

It is important to keep your first paragraph attention grabbing and succinct. You develop your argument in the paragraphs that follow and then sum up in your conclusion.
 
go with during the growth process. i think what's important to touch in the first paragraph is how the baby survives by the mother for nine months. another good example is how much more coordinated a mother is as appose to a father.
 
When writing an essay, it is important to take into consideration your audience.

Since you're taking an argumentative viewpoint, it is essential that you get your point across properly. Part of the solution will be cultural understanding.

To answer your questions:

1. Saying "During the grow process of a child" would refer to the biological development of a child rather than their mental development. Since your essay focuses on social and abilities alongside biology, it would be better to reword that sentence.
2. Yes, the "sub-division" is grammatically correct, but not wholly understandable. This section of your writing is your thesis. Your thesis should include short references to examples the body of your essay will introduce.

When writing, it is more important to be culturally accurate than grammatically correct.

I say you should study with some people who have a lot of experience in writing.

If I rewrote your introduction, I would write it like this:

Mothers play an essential role during the growth and development of their child. They spend their time feeding and looking after their baby. This image leads many people to believe that only woman have the ability to properly nurture and care for their children. When people hear the word "mother," they think of the one who fed them, clothed them, and guided them every step of the way unto adulthood. This mindset discourages the belief that men can take as much responsibility as the women. When people hear the word "father," they only think of the man who is the head of the household, and not the one who nurtures the child. This image may be a common one, but it is my belief that both parents, the man and the woman, can care for their children equally, biologically and socially.

Still, I'd prefer you rewrite your introduction on your own. I rewrote this based on my culture. Just take it slow and write naturally. Try projecting what you mean.

Edit: Careful, I'm using an American style of writing and we have similar but different structures of writing than in the U.K. or Australia. Our grammar and spelling can be way off and some words don't mean the same as others.
 
Back
Top