Does anybody have any jokes that they wouldn't mind me passing on?

U

undertakersymbiote

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I sit with a big group of friends at lunch time and they think I'm hilarious, so they always leave it up to me to do the entertaining. I've told them a bunch of Yo Momma jokes, Dumb Blonde jokes, and a few Knock Knock jokes. I'm running out of jokes to tell them. Would anybody mind telling me some jokes that people with good senses of humor are sure to laugh at? Any type of joke will do, just keep them appropriate because I'm Mormon.
 
I like your joke 'princess of all chocolate' =)

ok heres my joke!

what did the chicken say to the rooster?

"I think I saw you chick! out!"

Lol get it?


uhm i dont...

u see its funny caz its dry:D
 
Kids always tell the teacher as an excuse that the dog ate their homework. My kid was assigned to raise pirhanas as a science project, and the puppy came over and got too curious, so now my kid has to tell the teacher that his homework ate the dog.

Want another ? Here goes: Kids in the back seat cause accidents; accidents in the back seat cause kids.
 
An atheist was walking through the woods one day in Alaska, admiring all that evolution had created. "What majestic trees! What a powerful river! What beautiful animals!" he said to himself. As he was walking alongside the river, he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him. Turning to look, he saw a 13-foot Kodiak brown bear beginning to charge towards him. He ran as fast as he could down the path. He looked over his shoulder and saw that the bear was rapidly closing on him. Somehow, he ran even faster, so scared that tears came to his eyes. He looked again and the bear was even closer. His heart pounding in his chest, he tried to run faster yet. But alas, he tripped and fell to the ground. As he rolled over to pick himself up, the bear was right over him, reaching for him with its left paw and raising its right paw to strike him.

"OH MY GOD! ..."

Time stopped.

The bear froze.

The forest was silent.

Even the river stopped moving ...

As a brilliant light shone upon the man, a thunderous voice came from all around...

"YOU DENY MY EXISTENCE FOR ALL THESE YEARS, TEACH OTHERS THAT I DON'T EXIST AND EVEN CREDIT CREATION TO SOME COSMIC ACCIDENT. DO YOU EXPECT ME TO HELP YOU OUT OF THIS PREDICAMENT? AM I TO COUNT YOU AS A BELIEVER?"

Difficult as it was, the atheist looked directly into the light and said, "It would be hypocritical to ask to be a Christian after all these years, but perhaps you could make the bear a Christian?"

"VERY WELL." Said God.

The light went out.

The river ran.

The sounds of the forest resumed.

... and the bear dropped down on his knees, brought both paws together, bowed his head and spoke: "Lord, thank you for this food which I am about to receive...!"
 
Yo momma so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and came out with a job!
 
One day a very wealthy man found out from his doctor that he was to go to die that night. He told the butler of his to put all of his money in bags and put it in the attic so that he could grab it on his way to heaven. The man died shortly before midnight.

Two days later, his wife is helping the butler put his things away in their attic, and she see's the bags of money, and she says to the butler: "Idiot, he should have had you put the bags in the basement"


EDIT: Princess of chocolate: I liked it, I had to read it twice, but I liked it.
 
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