Daniel 'Will Fucking Kill You' Craig (born November 1st, 1968 in Lancashire, Switzerland to parents George Lazenby and Diana Rigg) is the current James Bond (or, Mr Kiss-Kiss Bang-Bang, as he wants to be called), often mistyped on his passport books and credit cards as 'James Blond' (and fucking kills every mistyper).
Mr. Craig has a long and distinguished career as an actor, portraying a spoiled milquetoast in Tom Hanks' Road To Perdita, a spy in Elizabeth xXx, a man who banged a big-breasted chick in Room Tader and a drug lord in the popular thriller Upside-down Cake. He recently portrayed Lord Asshole in an unsuccessful film adaptation of the popular book series His Dark Cereals, and is now widely acclaimed for his role in the forgettable flop Flashbacks of an Opium Eater.
His black hair and dark tan complexion, make for an interesting display of strength, majesty, and Chuck Norris-esque-ness. In 1998, Craig began a crazed binge on anabolic steroids, leading to massive hair loss, but damn ripped abs. Craig stunned the world in 1999 when he became the first male (non-robot) to pose for Playboy. To compensate for his hair loss, he bought a wig, which he used to choke a fat doctor at a hair restoration clinic. He then scalped the doctor and wore his hair.
His penchant for frog breeding and eating peanuts made him a surprise contender for Parliament, but he foolishly decided not to run and instead pursued love-making with beautiful women. It's true that he's a member of the infamous James Bond gang, a group of notorious British criminals and pimps, but people still think he's a douche.
His family includes his mother, father, uncle, three daughters. No Grandparents mind.
His Bad Motherfucker Scale is over seven million, and by the time you finished reading this article it'll be nine million. And you'll be dead.
Mr. Craig has a long and distinguished career as an actor, portraying a spoiled milquetoast in Tom Hanks' Road To Perdita, a spy in Elizabeth xXx, a man who banged a big-breasted chick in Room Tader and a drug lord in the popular thriller Upside-down Cake. He recently portrayed Lord Asshole in an unsuccessful film adaptation of the popular book series His Dark Cereals, and is now widely acclaimed for his role in the forgettable flop Flashbacks of an Opium Eater.
His black hair and dark tan complexion, make for an interesting display of strength, majesty, and Chuck Norris-esque-ness. In 1998, Craig began a crazed binge on anabolic steroids, leading to massive hair loss, but damn ripped abs. Craig stunned the world in 1999 when he became the first male (non-robot) to pose for Playboy. To compensate for his hair loss, he bought a wig, which he used to choke a fat doctor at a hair restoration clinic. He then scalped the doctor and wore his hair.
His penchant for frog breeding and eating peanuts made him a surprise contender for Parliament, but he foolishly decided not to run and instead pursued love-making with beautiful women. It's true that he's a member of the infamous James Bond gang, a group of notorious British criminals and pimps, but people still think he's a douche.
His family includes his mother, father, uncle, three daughters. No Grandparents mind.
His Bad Motherfucker Scale is over seven million, and by the time you finished reading this article it'll be nine million. And you'll be dead.