calicochase
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- May 15, 2012
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I am writing a short fiction in the 3rd person, it starts off as all descriptive details about the scene and no dialogue because of there being only one person. My question is: is it acceptable to use character dialogie as a device to explain plot points and other things that an omniscient narrator might? I have included a brief rough excerpt from the piece for reference.
The man stopped and looked down at the blood on his hands. He watched as steam rose off them and up into his face. The blood smelled like metal and had started to congeal. He removed a bandana from his pocket and started cleaning his fingers one at a time with methodic prose. He put the stained cloth back into his pocket and continued through the woods. As he walked he adjusted a black duffle bag that hung from his shoulder, tightening the strap to minimize its play.
It was 5:15pm and the sun had long since fallen below the tree line. The air was cold and crisp and the wind blew with a hollow whisper. Ahead in the distance lights could be seen pouring from the front porch of a farm house. As the man approached he removed a black pistol from the front of his belt and stuck it in the small of his back, concealing it with his jacket.
The man cautiously advanced toward the house, making his way along the north side of the property. When he reached a small thicket of pines near the rear of the house he crouched and began glassing the house with a small pair of hunting binoculars. He could see a figure in the window. It was a woman. Her hair black. His breaths were slow and shallow. As he drew in the frigid air he steadied himself against one of the pines and watched in silence. The frozen ground beneath him crunched and creaked as his weight shifted back and forth from his boot heals to his toes. He lowered the binoculars. Then he raised them again. Then he lowered them and slowly stood.
The house lay no more than a hundred yards from the man and the porch light shown down on the front yard in a cockeyed rectangle glow. As he walked toward the porch he again adjusted the strap on the duffle bag, this time loosening it to a more casual position. When he arrived at the porch steps he reached behind his back and made sure his pistol was secure and out of sight.
The man stopped and looked down at the blood on his hands. He watched as steam rose off them and up into his face. The blood smelled like metal and had started to congeal. He removed a bandana from his pocket and started cleaning his fingers one at a time with methodic prose. He put the stained cloth back into his pocket and continued through the woods. As he walked he adjusted a black duffle bag that hung from his shoulder, tightening the strap to minimize its play.
It was 5:15pm and the sun had long since fallen below the tree line. The air was cold and crisp and the wind blew with a hollow whisper. Ahead in the distance lights could be seen pouring from the front porch of a farm house. As the man approached he removed a black pistol from the front of his belt and stuck it in the small of his back, concealing it with his jacket.
The man cautiously advanced toward the house, making his way along the north side of the property. When he reached a small thicket of pines near the rear of the house he crouched and began glassing the house with a small pair of hunting binoculars. He could see a figure in the window. It was a woman. Her hair black. His breaths were slow and shallow. As he drew in the frigid air he steadied himself against one of the pines and watched in silence. The frozen ground beneath him crunched and creaked as his weight shifted back and forth from his boot heals to his toes. He lowered the binoculars. Then he raised them again. Then he lowered them and slowly stood.
The house lay no more than a hundred yards from the man and the porch light shown down on the front yard in a cockeyed rectangle glow. As he walked toward the porch he again adjusted the strap on the duffle bag, this time loosening it to a more casual position. When he arrived at the porch steps he reached behind his back and made sure his pistol was secure and out of sight.