Funny way to introduce myself in promotion speech?

[rachellee1]

we have to write a speech for 8th grade promotion and most of my speech is humorous. so i was wondering how to introduce myself (like my name and stuff). don't really want to start with a story tho. Thank you!

ex: "Hi my name is Rachelle, I go by Rachelle."

haha. something like that. but not that
please keep it appropriate! c'mon people, really? common sense

 

[lolt]

Hi, my name is Rachelle, and I'm going to f*cking kill you.

 

[Keez]

"Hey motherf*ckers, my names Rachel and I love d*cks!!"