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<blockquote data-quote="AuroraBelmont" data-source="post: 2380021" data-attributes="member: 820055">ok, so a few weeks ago i had a question asking if what i wrote was a good start to my book. basically i just jolted down a bunch of stuff and put it together. this is a more put together version and i changed A LOT of things in the beginning. This is a preface, so i dont want to give everything away. the preface of a book is always suspensful right? and i know i will probably have a lot of errors in spelling but for now i just want to know if the overall idea is good. the story is written in 2 points of views:-Jamie (the girl)-Ricky (the boy) here goes.....That was when it hit me. The day i saw my Uncle Joe playing with a remote controlled red Ferrari Convertible my cousin had got for her third birthday.On the inside, we never really age.__________Jamie&#039;s POVFunny how, the moment i thought that, HE was at my window. No, not my Uncle Joe. HIM. Ricky. &quot;Why hello.&quot; he said, casually. I hated how every time he said something i got chills up my back, and not in a bad way. I didn&#039;t respond. &quot;Aren&#039;t you going to say hi?&quot; He asked with a little smile. Which (i hate to say it) made my stomach queasy. &quot;Hi Ricky.&quot; i whispered. And i hated how i whispered. It was like i was scared of him, and i wasn&#039;t. I HATED how this guy could make me hate everything i did, just by standing next to me. &quot;Actually,&quot; Ricky said, &quot;it&#039;s just Derrick now.&quot; &quot;Oh, OK...Ricky.&quot; I countered. He laughed quietly. &quot;Still so stubborn, you haven&#039;t changed a bit.&quot;I just stood there with my arms crossed.&quot;Well, you probably know why I&#039;m here, so lets just cut to the chase...please just do it.&quot; Ricky said to me, as i slowly uncrossed my arms.&quot;Yeah, let me just take this into deep consideration...&quot; I tapped my finger against my lips and looked up at the ceiling, then directly at him and said, &quot;That would be a no.&quot; I tucked some loose hair behind my ears and smiled sweetly at him, waiting for a response. He stepped closer to me and looked me in the eyes. It took all my strength not to look at his lips. He looked urgently at me, like at any moment something might happen. This was a side of him i had never seen before. But still, i stood my ground and stuck out my chin, showing him that i was serious. Looking at him right now though, well, i wasn&#039;t so sure...great. As he took another step closer to me I could see his eyes clearly for the first time. They weren&#039;t blue as I had thought before, they were gray. I could feel his breath against my face. Just as i thought he was going to kiss me, i felt a extremely sharp pain in the middle of my back. I screamed loudly. I thought i heard Ricky shout &quot;What have you done? I just needed more time!&quot; I felt someone&#039;s arms around me as i grew unconscious.Or was i just dying?________________Ricky&#039;s POVI stared into her eyes. I had always thought they were blue, but as i got closer i realized they were a very light green, almost hazel. Just as i started lowering my lips to hers I saw Tommy with a sharp-bladed knife in his hand. Before i could even react, he stabbed it into her back and as she hit the ground she let out a loud scream. &quot;What have you done?&quot; I yelled frantically at Tommy. &quot;I just needed more time!&quot;&quot;Time is something we do not have.&quot; He said coolly. I put my arms around her and felt her pulse.I think my heart stopped beating for a full minute.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="AuroraBelmont, post: 2380021, member: 820055"] ok, so a few weeks ago i had a question asking if what i wrote was a good start to my book. basically i just jolted down a bunch of stuff and put it together. this is a more put together version and i changed A LOT of things in the beginning. This is a preface, so i dont want to give everything away. the preface of a book is always suspensful right? and i know i will probably have a lot of errors in spelling but for now i just want to know if the overall idea is good. the story is written in 2 points of views: -Jamie (the girl) -Ricky (the boy) here goes..... That was when it hit me. The day i saw my Uncle Joe playing with a remote controlled red Ferrari Convertible my cousin had got for her third birthday. On the inside, we never really age. __________ Jamie's POV Funny how, the moment i thought that, HE was at my window. No, not my Uncle Joe. HIM. Ricky. "Why hello." he said, casually. I hated how every time he said something i got chills up my back, and not in a bad way. I didn't respond. "Aren't you going to say hi?" He asked with a little smile. Which (i hate to say it) made my stomach queasy. "Hi Ricky." i whispered. And i hated how i whispered. It was like i was scared of him, and i wasn't. I HATED how this guy could make me hate everything i did, just by standing next to me. "Actually," Ricky said, "it's just Derrick now." "Oh, OK...Ricky." I countered. He laughed quietly. "Still so stubborn, you haven't changed a bit." I just stood there with my arms crossed. "Well, you probably know why I'm here, so lets just cut to the chase...please just do it." Ricky said to me, as i slowly uncrossed my arms. "Yeah, let me just take this into deep consideration..." I tapped my finger against my lips and looked up at the ceiling, then directly at him and said, "That would be a no." I tucked some loose hair behind my ears and smiled sweetly at him, waiting for a response. He stepped closer to me and looked me in the eyes. It took all my strength not to look at his lips. He looked urgently at me, like at any moment something might happen. This was a side of him i had never seen before. But still, i stood my ground and stuck out my chin, showing him that i was serious. Looking at him right now though, well, i wasn't so sure...great. As he took another step closer to me I could see his eyes clearly for the first time. They weren't blue as I had thought before, they were gray. I could feel his breath against my face. Just as i thought he was going to kiss me, i felt a extremely sharp pain in the middle of my back. I screamed loudly. I thought i heard Ricky shout "What have you done? I just needed more time!" I felt someone's arms around me as i grew unconscious. Or was i just dying? ________________ Ricky's POV I stared into her eyes. I had always thought they were blue, but as i got closer i realized they were a very light green, almost hazel. Just as i started lowering my lips to hers I saw Tommy with a sharp-bladed knife in his hand. Before i could even react, he stabbed it into her back and as she hit the ground she let out a loud scream. "What have you done?" I yelled frantically at Tommy. "I just needed more time!" "Time is something we do not have." He said coolly. I put my arms around her and felt her pulse. I think my heart stopped beating for a full minute. [/QUOTE]

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