Reply to thread

Message: <blockquote data-quote="Katrina" data-source="post: 2136159" data-attributes="member: 210116">Please tell me what you think. I am looking for any useful critique or suggested improvements, but all your opinions are appreciated.Note: this isn't the very beginning, but if I included that it would've been too long to fit. The chapter starts off with the setting of a ball in which a couple is dancing. They converse and make plans to meet up in this scene:Less than ten minutes later they met in the hallway near the east entrance. The corridor was deserted and quiet relative to the deafening noise of the ballroom, though sounds of the festivities could still be heard. The attitudes of the two people did not conform to this new atmosphere, however; they instead seemed to have brought with them the energy and merriment of the larger room.He wrapped his arm around her waist as she first approached and they once more entwined together. She laughed from energy and excitement, bringing forth a contagious response from the man.“I’m staying in a room on the second floor,” he said and motioned in the direction. She grabbed his hand and began to half-run down the hallway. They both had had a few drinks over the course of the evening, the effect of which was beginning to show. The pair continued to laugh at nothing as they jauntily made their way through two more corridors and up the staircase.The light was dimmer in the hall of the second floor, the passageways narrower. “Which one is your room?” the girl asked.“It’s on the north end,” he replied.The two proceeded to make their way to his room. Out of nowhere, the soft taps of footsteps sounded from just a few feet behind them. The girl did not turn around but instead looked up to the man at her side. He returned her gaze with the hint of a smile before dropping in a heap to the ground.There was a clang of the sound of metal hitting the ground. The girl turned around to see a lead pipe rolling on the floor and a dark haired stranger strangling her companion with a cloth. The man laid unconscious on the ground as the stranger drained the life from his body from behind.The man’s eyes opened after a second or two and he appeared to recognize the situation at once. He thrashed about but the stranger had the upper hand, countering his movements of escape and tightening the cloth around the man’s neck, until the man successfully managed to elbow the stranger in the gut from behind. The stranger’s grip loosened and the man took the opportunity to get up and gain a few feet of separation, though noticeably weak and winded. His opponent, though, was fresh and alert and he attacked again at once. The two exchanged a few blows before the stranger knocked the man to the ground once more.As the man hit the ground, his eyes searched for the girl. He hoped she had escaped and was ready to wordlessly plea with her to run if she had not. But the girl, to his surprise, merely stood observing the action from a few feet away with careless impassivity. The touches of fear on his features were replaced with indignation as he processed her expression and demeanor. She stared back at him coldly as any energy fled him and his movements became stiller. Their eyes remained locked, hers hardened and his unforgiving, until his last breath left him and his body slumped lifeless on the ground.The stranger strangled him a few moments more for good measure. He was a man of medium height, well built and with dark coloring. He possessed looks attractive enough and was dressed as impeccably as any of the guests that night. For the most part he focused intently on his task, but glanced up occasionally to look at the girl.Ignoring him, the girl took a few graceful steps toward the body on the ground. She bent down at her companion’s side and turned over his arm, pressing her finger against his wrist. Satisfied, she raised her head to meet the stare of the man across from her.“You have a plan for the body?” she asked him.The dark haired man studied her carefully before allowing signs of amusement and arrogance to cross his face. “Of course,” he said.She stood up. “Good. I don’t need to know.”He straightened as well so that they were standing close to one another, directly over the body of the dead man on the ground. He reached for the small of her back and pulled her into him, grinning.The girl gave a laugh and pushed him away. “Don’t. I need to get back downstairs. I’ll leave you to deal with this mess,” she said and smiled as she turned around. Dark hair curling down the back of her scarlet dress, she started walking back down the dim hallway without sparing him another glance.“Adieu, Adèle,” he called after her, a touch of mocking in his tone.“Adieu, Nicolas.”Minutes later, the girl called Adèle stood once more in the midst of the mass of swirling bodies and the merry music. Familiar faces lined the crowd, but none that she would call upon. She made her way to a quieter corner of the ballroom where groupings of men andwomen stood talking. A circle of men naturally disbanded and Adèle approached one of its members, a man with graying dark hair and a strong stature, as he walked away. He took both of her hands and smiled grandly.“My darling girl! I hope you are enjoying yourself tonight?” he asked merrily.“Of course.” They walked out of earshot of the surrounding people.“And did you take care of Lefevre?” he questioned in the same tone.Adèle smiled. “Of course, father.”They continued to speak for a few minutes more, and the events of the festive night went on as usual.And was the fight scene clear enough?</blockquote>

Name

Verification: Loading…