she is not paying for anything but feels that she has the right to continually going on and on about everything. From the guest list, flowers, cake, outfits. I have tried to involve her but her controlling behaviour is getting too much.
As an event planner for many years I already know this will be a minefield for me, when my time comes! lol
It is quite possible that she is just very excited about the wedding and is just rattling on and on, not realizing how she sounds and is coming off.
When she's getting to you, calmly say "Everybody is coming to me with such goods ideas, I'm/we're (FH & you) are going to have to sort through them all and decide which ones we like best"
This works especially well if upon meeting her, you begin by saying "I've had enough of everyone only discussing wedding details. Let's talk about something else for a change..What's new with you?". Natural curiosity would usually make her inquire 'What's wrong' and you can respond "People are always coming up to me with their ideas and opinions about the wedding. I/we are going to do what WE want. I'm just a little fed up with it all right now"
She should then understand (a) you will do what you want (b) she is part of the 'people' and needs to back off
WOW, Spindrift, are you a bitter mother in law? Geez!
I would take a deep breath and try to politely and diplomatically set boundaries now. She will only continue to do this after you're married. Do you guys plan to have children? Oy! Wait til then!!
Tell you appreciate her input but want this to be that day of YOUR dreams and no one else's. If you don't you might resent her even more later.
Some people are just not good at reading other's people's cues, understanding their feelings, and putting themselves in others' shoes. Sounds like she's one of these people. I would just firmly and consistently assert YOUR needs and opinions...she might get upset and you might feel bad...but she'll eventually butt out.
Here is how I feel about letting in-laws be involved. If they are paying they can give an opinion and we will decide if it is something that we would want on our special day. If they are not helping pay for anything then they should just show up as guests. I'm sorry but it's true. If you let everyone start forcing their opinions on you then you will stray further and further away from what you and your fiance actually want to happen on this day for you.
There is a little side note here though. If you are inviting your aunts unlces and cousins then his side gets to invites his aunts uncles and cousins. Even if you have 2 and he has 9. In that sense the grooms family should be somewhat involved in the guest list because it's not fair for the brides side to invite whatever family they want and not the grooms side. That is the downside to paying and being host is that you need to play fair. However flowers, cake, outfits I would say thanks for all the suggestions but it's all taken care of.
she does't have any right to make any decisions, but i would think that she likes to be involved, even if she isnt paying. if she was more involved in it all she may well listen to what you decide and agree with it
just tell her, you want to keep as much control over the wedding choices as possible... obviously the only way to stop it is to tell he... although its easier to say , than to do
after all this years she raised her son. of course she have the right, not all but at least some say on it . it's rude for you to ask her to butt out on her son.... wedding. it doesn't matter who pay for it. this is suppose to be a happy occasion. try not to made things difficult for yourself and your in-law to be. every things will be alright if you more TACTFUL.
You'll have to suck it up. Don't put a wedge in anyone's relationship. Just bear with her, and it will be over eventually. Even though she isn't paying, it's still her SON getting married... she wants to feel included. Think how upset you'd be if she didn't have a care in the world about it. So just keep a smile on your face!
I hope the wedding isn't to far off as this kind of behaviour could be an end to it. Try to agree with what she is saying then just go do what you want to do. The brides parents or the bride herself chooses the flower arrangements, bouquets etc. She can only choose her own outfit no one else's. The guest list should br 50/50 she only has a say in her half who can come the rest is up to you. Its your day so say what you want and don't budge or the rest of your married life will be hell. Keep a smile on your face when you say no to her.
Maybe you could ask her to read something at the wedding, or choose a hymn / song that she likes. Explain to her that you want her to feel involved, but it is your wedding. That way she can feel involved but hopefully won't try to control everything.
I`m afraid it is her child's wedding as well and she has probably been planning it in her head for years.
You need to be kind but firm. If she gets away with this controlling then it will continue into your marriage and that would not be good. Don`t go to her with any of the arrangements anymore and when she brings up the wedding tell her you don`t ant to become a wedding bore and you`d rather not talk about it. She is entitled to talk about the wedding and to pass on her wisdom, but you can pretend to listen and you can then go and do it your way.
By the way...none of this has anyting to do with who s paying and who isn`t. It is your wedding and you get to decide.
Call off the wedding, this is a train wreck waiting to happen, your attitude is not only nasty and rude, it is a huge red flag for this relationship, the woman is the mother of the man you supposedly love, but obviously, by the tone of your question, you have no love for this man at all, but are a rude selfish self centered woman who cares nothing for anyone else. Do not marry this man, it will be a disaster.
Do what I have been doing for 30 years,listen and then do what you want anyway!Get used of it,to keep peace,some advice might be good,otherwise block it out.
Just give her little things do (even make believe ones) and tell her someone else is doing the other stuff. Just make up pretend things she can do, or just let her do what she wants and then change it behind her back. What's she honestly going to say at the wedding?
My brother and I were having some drama issues with my mom one year.
My mom complained about us to a close neighbor friend of hers, a verrrry elderly gentleman.
He turned around and looked at my brother and I and said, "Well you boys are going about this the wrong way. What you need to do is listen to whatever your mom says. Say, 'yes.' Then when you leave, do whatever the hell you want to do."
Does she have any daughters? Is the guy you are marrying her only son or baby of the family? Moms can be controlling of their boys. Only pick a few things and invite her along. My spouse and I made our choices and then presented them if we wanted to. You teach people how to treat you. If you don't offer info about the wedding then you don't have to talk about it. Give her enough stuff so she feels busy. Guest list, whatever you want to have her help with so she feels important.