How do we tell our future roomate (friend and teamate) that we don't

[Heather1]

want her to live with us?????????? My friends and i are planning to move out of the dorms and into a five bedroom rental together. We've had this planned for almost 4 months now, and we're only planning on moving in in may...
There's one problem, we're having second thoughts about one of our friends living with us. We're all on our college volleyball team together but we don't know what to do.
She doesn't have a car and that would require us to drive her EVERYWHERE! and to her work late at night. she is very unreliable when it comes to money and tends to not return LOTS of our stuff. they always seem to go 'missing'. She's a sweet girl and has never been rude, but we just can't trust her to be a good roomate and not mooch off of us. So how do we tell her we don't want her to live with us????

 

[mm•MissGigi•mm]

I think that you should still let her live with you, but don't let her mooch off of you guys and don't drive her places. Let her drive herself places by taxi or walking, and when she asks for your stuff say no. Eventually she will learn to be independent on herself.

However, if you still don't want her to live with you guys, tell her as soon as possible so that she can find a new place to live. How to do it though...i have no idea.

 

[topoftheworldma]

My inclination would be that you should ask her politely and firmly find other arrangements. But I'm a guy. We are like that. Except not so polite.

But Queen Agnostic is very wise, and you should go with what she says.

Still ... let me ask you all -- just how valuable to you is your success as a volleyball team? Teamwork is critical in volleyball. I was a very good player in my own youth, and finding people able to play at a good level is tough. I assume this young lady is a very good player. In any case she is part of your team. Think about what cutting her out would do for the team. You all are there, I don't know. Use your common sense.

 

[QueenAgnostic]

Have you ever seen the movie "Mean Girls".... well your about to become a group of them.... you should give her a chance and besides, your responsible to say no to lending her stuff and you dont have to be her taxi.... thats up to you... as for her not paying her share... you really dont know that until it happens, your assuming.... maybe one of you wont have money suddenly one month..... that happens to everyone... unexpected issues etc. I think you will do more harm than good saying no to her... it will effect your friendship, your team ...... .not a good idea... try it... you might find one of the other girls is a dead head and not this girl. Listen, I am older and I did the whole roomate bit... and you will be surprised at what you learn from your friends that you think are so wonderful...... so tell the others you think she deserves a chance and dont lend her stuff... and tell her straight out you cant be taxi service..... if she still wants to move in.. let her. Saying no before anything happens is just wrong.