How to deal with a toxic copycat mother?

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Tim

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You need to get away from her. You have started to heal, and you need room to grow. She is using guilt, to control you, don't let her. If she makes you feel bad, she is winning. You have stayed calm, good for you. You might even think about moving out of her area. If that makes sense in this economy. If not stay away as much as you can. You need to become what she is not. And if she takes too much of your energy, you have less to better your self with. It is OK to improve yourself, without dragging her up the stairs with you. You will be able to climb higher alone. When you get to a better place share it with someone else.
 
This is a tad long, I apologize in advance.

I am 23 and moved out of my mother's house two years ago. My mother never made the best choices and I see the consequences of that when it comes to my younger siblings, who often go without basic care. I recently got into photography about a year ago and my mother has been copying me, buying everything that I have, right down to the exact camera, brands of lenses, software, etc. She has spent thousands of dollars so far that she doesn't have, and often doesn't pay her mortgage because of all these purchases. If she even finds out about something I want in the future, she will take out a loan just to "one-up" me. These financial issues aside, she also has many questions about photography, but when I try to nicely answer she cuts me off and belittles me, or degrades my work in a venomous tone. (I never retaliate and just listen uncomfortably) Other times she just rolls her eyes or yawns when I show her any achievements of mine.

But... when she wants my help she acts like we are good friends. It's really confusing and hurtful! I always stay calm when she acts like this, but she has become so insulting of my photos that other relatives have been shocked by how rude she is. No matter how careful I am to stay away from the subject, she always brings it up. And no matter how nice I am or complimentary to her, she doesn't reciprocate.

It has gotten so bad that I never visit anymore, and I had to close my facebook because she was using that to criticize my photos, send me the questions that increasingly felt like a trap, and find out about things I have that she doesn't (which of course she then buys instead of using the money to buy food or not lose their house). She recently found me on myspace and demanded I help her build a website because she found out I have one, and she needs one "more than I do." What should I do about all of this? If I confront my mother she is the type to cry and fall into a deep depression, but she is hurting my mental health, and undoing all the healing I went through from living in that house.
 
So, you do know that your mom is mentally ill, right? You need to do everything you can to strengthen yourself to cope with her outrageous behavior, because it's not going to stop. Therapy is a good start. As you've found, withdrawing works, too.

I'm in the same situation. Here's my question on the same subject.

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=As8yL.eyRxppUD.4.QbnpN_sy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090318074324AAHSOdk

Good luck, sweetie.
 
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