How's my grammar for my online class introduction?

J

James

Active member
Hey everybody!

My name is Chase (it says James but my name is Chase - I've always gone by "Chase" since day 1 - long story) and I am 19-years-old, turning 20-years-old next month on July 12th! : )

To be honest, I have no idea what I want to be; for some reason I haven't had a "true" calling but I'll find it sooner or later hopefully.

I was also born in Crescent City, CA and moved to Ukiah when I was 2-years-old, but I've visited Crescent City and Smith River ever since I was little 'cause it's like a second and third home to me. Crescent City and Smith River are both beautiful places; they're surrounded by the ocean and both towns are really small but are truly breathtaking.

I know this may sound far-fetched and all, but I would love to be a best-selling author; writing is something very important to me and I am currently writing three books as well. It's definitely a tough business - being an author - but hopefully I can break into it somehow, some way.

And lastly, I would LOVE to visit The United Kingdom because it has so much history and it truly is a beautiful place with all the classic architecture and history.


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Is it bad or good? It's for my English 200 class. : /
 
B

BK

Member
It's actually quite good. But I wouldn't use 'cause - it would be much better as because. Also I would remove "and all" from the first sentence of the 4th paragraph.

I hope you get to visit the UK at some point. You are right about the history and architecture - it's absolutely everywhere. I'm lucky enough to actually live there.
 
P

Pretzel

New member
It's pretty good! There's a few little nit-picky things you could change e.g. you are a 19-year-old or you are 19 years old without the hyphens. May I edit your grammar for you, but without re-writing so leaving it in your own words?

My name is Chase (it says James but my name is Chase - I've gone by this name since Day One - long story!) and I am 19 years old, turning 20 next month on July 12th.

To be honest, I have no idea what I want to be; for some reason I haven't had a 'true calling' but I'll find it sooner or later, I hope.

I was born in Crescent City, California, and moved to Ukiah when I was two, but I've re-visited Crescent City and also Smith River ever since I was little because [or "so" ?] they're like a second and third home to me. Crescent City and Smith River are beautiful places, right on the ocean, and both towns are really small but truly breathtaking. [note: if they were "surrounded" by the ocean they'd be islands. Smith River on the map looks as if it's inland - you'd know better than I! but just watch for accuracy. Maybe "right by the ocean"?]

This may sound far-fetched but I would love to be a best-selling author. Writing is very important to me, and I'm currently working on three books. It's definitely a tough business, being an author, but I hope I can break into it somehow, some way [or some way, some day].

And last, I would truly love to visit the United Kingdom because of its history, beauty, and architecture.

One note: You say you've no idea what you want to be, and you also say you'd love to be a writer. ?

Good luck!
 
B

BK

Member
It's actually quite good. But I wouldn't use 'cause - it would be much better as because. Also I would remove "and all" from the first sentence of the 4th paragraph.

I hope you get to visit the UK at some point. You are right about the history and architecture - it's absolutely everywhere. I'm lucky enough to actually live there.
 
B

BK

Member
It's actually quite good. But I wouldn't use 'cause - it would be much better as because. Also I would remove "and all" from the first sentence of the 4th paragraph.

I hope you get to visit the UK at some point. You are right about the history and architecture - it's absolutely everywhere. I'm lucky enough to actually live there.
 
P

Pretzel

New member
It's pretty good! There's a few little nit-picky things you could change e.g. you are a 19-year-old or you are 19 years old without the hyphens. May I edit your grammar for you, but without re-writing so leaving it in your own words?

My name is Chase (it says James but my name is Chase - I've gone by this name since Day One - long story!) and I am 19 years old, turning 20 next month on July 12th.

To be honest, I have no idea what I want to be; for some reason I haven't had a 'true calling' but I'll find it sooner or later, I hope.

I was born in Crescent City, California, and moved to Ukiah when I was two, but I've re-visited Crescent City and also Smith River ever since I was little because [or "so" ?] they're like a second and third home to me. Crescent City and Smith River are beautiful places, right on the ocean, and both towns are really small but truly breathtaking. [note: if they were "surrounded" by the ocean they'd be islands. Smith River on the map looks as if it's inland - you'd know better than I! but just watch for accuracy. Maybe "right by the ocean"?]

This may sound far-fetched but I would love to be a best-selling author. Writing is very important to me, and I'm currently working on three books. It's definitely a tough business, being an author, but I hope I can break into it somehow, some way [or some way, some day].

And last, I would truly love to visit the United Kingdom because of its history, beauty, and architecture.

One note: You say you've no idea what you want to be, and you also say you'd love to be a writer. ?

Good luck!
 
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