"Did you know that gay used to mean happy? When I was growing up it meant "lame". And now it means a man who makes love to other men. We're all homos. Homo sapiens."
[to the crowd at the Diwali] Um, everyone? I'm sorry, could I have your attention please? Thank you. Hi, I'm sorry. I just have an announcement to make. Um, okay, I have learned a lot about Indian culture tonight. But I have learned even more about love. And I know your all thinking "Who is this crazy gringo and what is he talking about?" Well I'm not crazy. Maybe I'm crazy in love. So without further ado... Carol? Carol Stills? I would like you to do me the honor of making me your husband.
Bros before hoes. Why? Because your bros are always there for you. They got your back after your ho rips your heart out for no good reason. And you were nothing but great to your ho, and you told her that she was the only ho for you. And that she was better than all the other hoes in the world. And then suddenly...she's not yo' ho no mo'