MickJagger
New member
- Jun 21, 2009
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BEFORE I GO ANY FURTHER, I WANT EVERYONE TO KNOW THAT I DONT MEAN TO OFFEND OR TO BE CRUDE, THIS IS A SERIOUS CRISIS IN MY LIFE AND I NEED GUIDANCE AND LOVE AND ABOVE ALL ENCOURAGEMENT. NOW, I CANT FIT EVERYTHING ON THIS SO I WILL HAVE TO CONTINUE THE REST OF THIS ON A COMMENT. PLEASE HELP ME.
I am a very big Christian with a huge problem. First of all, I am a 20 year old male. Lately, for about exactly a year, I started to develop HOCD, which is Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It all happened after I saw the movie Twilight and thought that Edward Cullen was attractive a year ago. But because I am feminine and want to be a fashion designer, I thought that I was turning gay. I have always loved women and I have such an emotional attraction to them, I refrained from sex completely and am still a virgin. I still dream of marrying a girl and falling in love and having kids and growing old. My only sexual encounter ships were masturbating with my cousin at the age of 12. So technically my only sexual experiences were with guys. A few years ago, when I would start to masturbate, I would only climax when I thought of women, ONLY women, of course I thought of a guy performing. Then I would used to get into porn and that really did it for me. So I started to set men to be up to a certain standard of attractiveness. Then it started to all be about what men looked like and then they had to still be engaging in intercourse with women. I still would only climax thinking of women. But after seeing Twilight, it really did it! I started to think that I had serious feelings for Edward.
Started spending intense hours looking up porn, straight porn, but I would spend all day doing it But men really had to be good looking and I started to pay even more attention to the male's physical attributes and none about the women, just the woman's body. I really started to develop attractions towards men and it made and still makes me sick. When I think to myself that I need to admit that I am gay, I will say it and I think I sound silly. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man????? I want a wife and children and grow old. I started to feel better. Then college started and it was at an all time low. I would feel attractions to men, I never wanted to have sex with them. NEVER! But I couldnt stop staring. There were some women I could have sex with and I thought that, but men really started to make me nervous. So when I got nervous, I watched porn. I thought that porn was the answer to my problems, but it just made me lust men even more....even though it was straight
I am a very big Christian with a huge problem. First of all, I am a 20 year old male. Lately, for about exactly a year, I started to develop HOCD, which is Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. It all happened after I saw the movie Twilight and thought that Edward Cullen was attractive a year ago. But because I am feminine and want to be a fashion designer, I thought that I was turning gay. I have always loved women and I have such an emotional attraction to them, I refrained from sex completely and am still a virgin. I still dream of marrying a girl and falling in love and having kids and growing old. My only sexual encounter ships were masturbating with my cousin at the age of 12. So technically my only sexual experiences were with guys. A few years ago, when I would start to masturbate, I would only climax when I thought of women, ONLY women, of course I thought of a guy performing. Then I would used to get into porn and that really did it for me. So I started to set men to be up to a certain standard of attractiveness. Then it started to all be about what men looked like and then they had to still be engaging in intercourse with women. I still would only climax thinking of women. But after seeing Twilight, it really did it! I started to think that I had serious feelings for Edward.
Started spending intense hours looking up porn, straight porn, but I would spend all day doing it But men really had to be good looking and I started to pay even more attention to the male's physical attributes and none about the women, just the woman's body. I really started to develop attractions towards men and it made and still makes me sick. When I think to myself that I need to admit that I am gay, I will say it and I think I sound silly. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with a man????? I want a wife and children and grow old. I started to feel better. Then college started and it was at an all time low. I would feel attractions to men, I never wanted to have sex with them. NEVER! But I couldnt stop staring. There were some women I could have sex with and I thought that, but men really started to make me nervous. So when I got nervous, I watched porn. I thought that porn was the answer to my problems, but it just made me lust men even more....even though it was straight