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Message: <blockquote data-quote="XIII" data-source="post: 2338941" data-attributes="member: 359491">uncomfortable? What is this? I'm a college student and 19. Friendship and socializing has never been easy for me because I've had anxiety all of my life. Not only that, but I just so happen to be very sensitive, and people who have hurt me have stuck with me to this day. My family was also highly dysfunctional. I think once it got to the point where we had to call the police on each other is when I knew my family was not the family I thought they were.I'll just say it right now, I don't have friends. I had friends when I was a kid, but somehow just lost interest in all of them. I seemed to be too smart for them. I suppose I still had friends in 9th grade, but honestly when I think about it, the people I talked to were never really friends anyways. So I suppose I could say that I haven't had friends for a lot longer than that. I don't trust anybody. Calling people friend's is sort of like calling them allies, and I would never trust anybody to come and help me if I needed it. I suppose part of my thinking is that I just so happen to also be a very solitary person, so I prefer doing everything myself. The only person I felt comfortable enough to call my friend actually turned out to be one of the worst I ever had. Supposedly she really thought I was different and trusted me enough to tell her problems too. After a bunch of trivial things and conversations that took place between us, she pretty much told me she didn't trust me and told me to leave her alone. So yeah, the one friend I had didn't even last for more than a few months.After going through this, it just seems to me that I'm better off this way. Whenever I trust someone, they let me down. Whenever people get close to me, I start to freak out. Even the girl I was "friends" with I wasn't able to call me friend until almost a year after I met her. I just can't do it. People seem to get really frustrated with me and my personality, but no matter how hard I try to be better and work on myself, people still tell me that I'm negative and that I drain them. So honestly, I might as well just be a bitter and lonely person because I've tried to be positive and uplifting and people still point out my flaws. Yeah, I hate people and they make me uncomfortable.I suppose I'm just in a really bad mood right now. I just need someone to help me understand all of this. I honestly do not have a single person I can talk to about any of this. Most of the people I interact with are just for as long as I need to, then I never see them again. I do not have any family that is healthy to be around. Any girls that I am interested in I simply can't pursue because I think they wouldn't want anything to do with me and because I'd rather not affect them with my mental health problems.By the way, I should also mention that I've talked to people in chat rooms before. I've even tried to get to know them, be friends with them, but it never works out. I talk to them on a superficial level and just for a while. After that I want nothing to do with them. They tell me they are my friends, but I personally can't understand how you could call someone a friend that you just met. They ask to share my email so they can keep in contact with me, and sometimes I do, but for the most part I get bored and simply can't bring myself to interact with them anymore. Maybe it makes me seem like a bad person, but it's just who I am.</blockquote>

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