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<blockquote data-quote="Tori" data-source="post: 2358987" data-attributes="member: 209973">I&#039;m not sure to be honest, and I suppose death would require some amount of certainty...I just can&#039;t be bothered I guess would be the issue behind it. Life drags on for so long and there&#039;s no flipping up point. I just feel like either everyone lets me down or I let them down. I used to be depressed a fair bit around age 12-14 and I&#039;m kind of sinking back into it now, aged 16. I don&#039;t know. I just feel down a lot of the time now, for no reason. And what kind of worries me is that I&#039;m not sitting here now thinking this as I bawl my eyes out - I&#039;ve been thinking about it for awhile and I&#039;m in a somewhat rational state of mind. There&#039;s been no big event that&#039;s made me feel like this, I just do. See that&#039;s what gets me - there is no real reason to justify it. I sincerely wish there was. I&#039;m not a good person and I doubt I would be missed. I just genuinely don&#039;t think I want to live tomorrow. Or for the rest of the week, or month or year. It&#039;d be nice to have some peace and not worry. I don&#039;t think I&#039;m being selfish because quite frankly there really isn&#039;t anyone who hasn&#039;t been selfish themselves so why should I be a martyr and only consider them? I don&#039;t believe in God and I don&#039;t think there&#039;s some type of &#039;afterlife&#039;. I don&#039;t want to talk to a counsellor because I&#039;m not crazy and what do I say? &quot;I just want to&quot;? That doesn&#039;t sound right to my ears. I don&#039;t really know why I&#039;m posting this up because I don&#039;t want people to write some crap about how I&#039;m talking nonsense and I need help or God. It&#039;s not really rational to want to kill yourself for the banter though is it? I started hurting myself a little while back but I don&#039;t think this is quite the same. To die is not like some ultimate pain, it&#039;s just like a long relaxing sleep...or not? Hm, who knows.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Tori, post: 2358987, member: 209973"] I'm not sure to be honest, and I suppose death would require some amount of certainty... I just can't be bothered I guess would be the issue behind it. Life drags on for so long and there's no flipping up point. I just feel like either everyone lets me down or I let them down. I used to be depressed a fair bit around age 12-14 and I'm kind of sinking back into it now, aged 16. I don't know. I just feel down a lot of the time now, for no reason. And what kind of worries me is that I'm not sitting here now thinking this as I bawl my eyes out - I've been thinking about it for awhile and I'm in a somewhat rational state of mind. There's been no big event that's made me feel like this, I just do. See that's what gets me - there is no real reason to justify it. I sincerely wish there was. I'm not a good person and I doubt I would be missed. I just genuinely don't think I want to live tomorrow. Or for the rest of the week, or month or year. It'd be nice to have some peace and not worry. I don't think I'm being selfish because quite frankly there really isn't anyone who hasn't been selfish themselves so why should I be a martyr and only consider them? I don't believe in God and I don't think there's some type of 'afterlife'. I don't want to talk to a counsellor because I'm not crazy and what do I say? "I just want to"? That doesn't sound right to my ears. I don't really know why I'm posting this up because I don't want people to write some crap about how I'm talking nonsense and I need help or God. It's not really rational to want to kill yourself for the banter though is it? I started hurting myself a little while back but I don't think this is quite the same. To die is not like some ultimate pain, it's just like a long relaxing sleep...or not? Hm, who knows. [/QUOTE]

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