I wrote that.. please tell me what you think about it...I'd be grateful?

K

kety

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NOT A GUILTY PLEASURE

Sliding open the doors,I felt myself drifting towards it.My mind full of pleasurable thoughts.I let my eyes rest upon it.Hungrily they looked at it,gorged in every aspect of it.I yearned for it.It was lying there..still,waiting for me in all its splendor...smooth,rich,dark...

My fingers then encountered the smoothest surface ever!I fingered it gently,letting my hands get the feel of it.

I then took it and put it in my mouth..gently..slowly...as my lips came into contact with it.I let out a moan of ecstasy...I closed my eyes and savoured it...My senses ran wild .Nothing,absolutely nothing can stand up to this I thought as I blissfully ran my tongue over it...taking in the flavours that dark piece of chocolate filled my mouth with...Slowly it released all the flavours it confined,giving me free intense pleasure...
I love chocolate...that's all I could think of during that one deeply magical moment.

Chocolate's not a guilty pleasure so take time to enjoy it and do so without any reservation or moderation
 
Weird. I think you should say less about approaching the choc, and focus more on why it gives you pleasure: the look of it and the taste. Cut off fat like "I then took it and then put it in my mouth", and change stuff like "letting my hands get the feel of it". Describe the feeling. You can't just say "get the feel" of a chocolate, it's pointless, you have to say why, and what you feel. And "fingering the choc" and "moaning" is alittle...over the top. Stop talking about Your Actions and put your Senses in the spotlight.
 
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