im writing a story but i dont know if the first chapter is alright.
can you tell me what you think please?
As Jess left her friend Rachel's house, she started to wish she had left earlier. She didn't realise how dark it was outside. As she worked down the familiar road that led to her house, she passed a bar. Then suddenly bumped into something. Electricity went through her heart and spread around her body. It went so fast she thought she imagined it. As she looked at what she bumped into she realised it wasn't what, it was who. They stood there staring at each other. Someone shouted something on the side of the road and the strangers head shot up. When he did that jess noticed that he was about 7 inches taller than she was. He mumbled something, that was to quiet for her to understand, and walked over to the other side of the road. Jess couldn't help but stare after him but before he even got to the other side of the road, he turned his head to look at her. Their eyes met again, and the electricity ran through her body again. Quickly he looked away and entered the bar with, who she thought, was his friend. Confused, jess started walking home again.
When she got home the warmth of her house welcomed her. She went upstairs and ran a hot bath, wondering if she will see the mysterious stranger again. As Jess jumped in the bath she started to relax. When she got out she wrapped a towel around her and walked across to her bedroom. Her room has been kept the same ever since she was little. The same sky blue walls and plain white ceiling. She got changed into her pink, silk pyjamas and put her fluffy dressing gown. As she walked downstairs she thought she heard something in the kitchen. She moved down the hallway and stopped outside the kitchen door. Jess's mum was at work today and didn't get off until 10pm. Realising she has no idea what the time is, she hopped it was her mum. As she peered through the doorway, she recognises her friend Rachel.
“Rachel!” said jess excited “What are you doing here?”
“there you are! I called your house 30 minutes after you left to see if you got home alright and nobody answered! I thought you were in trouble so I came over and your back door was unlocked.”
“I'm glad you made yourself at home.” said Jess smiling at the sandwich in Rachel's hands.
“I got hungry,” rachel replied innocently, “anyway why were you so late home?”
“It's a long story, and you should probably get home.” said jess hopefully.
“yeah your right...” rachel said flatly “Bye, see you tomorrow at school.”
“Ok, bye.” replied Jess.
Just as rachel put her sandwich down and headed for the back door jess said “you can take your sandwich with you and use the front door.”
Rachel nodded her head slightly and picked the sandwich back up.
Jess walked Rachel to the door and waved her goodbye. Locking the door behind her jess walked back into the kitchen and locked the back-door. As she put the kettle ,to fill her water bottle,on she heard something outside. As she peered out through the window she thought she saw a figure but when she looked again it was gone. When the kettle was finally boiled she filled her water bottle and went to her room. She looked at the time and it was almost 10pm. She had been really late home! As she wondered why she had been so late home she eventually started to fall asleep.
Jess woke up just as something crashed downstairs, and looked at the time wondering if it could be her mum. It was 1am, so her mum should be home. Her mum, Beth, could be really clumsy. When Jess put on her dressing gown there was another crash, and jess knew her mum was clumsy but not that clumsy. She finally went downstairs to find her mum sitting at the kitchen table dunk with the mysterious stranger she ran into.
“mum... what the hell is going on?” she asked staring in disbelief at her mother
“hey, I'm Seth.” he said as Jess turned towards him.
“what are you doing here?” jess asked confused
“I saw your mum fall over so I helped her home.” Seth replied
“thanks .. I guess.” jess said looking at back at her mum “lets get you to bed.”
“do you need any help?” asked Seth as Beth stud up and almost fell over.
“no it's ok I can handle her.” said Jess even though she was struggling to keep her mum standing up.
“let me help.” said Seth as he suddenly picked up Beth.
“ok thank you.” said Jess as she led him to her mums room.
They walked in silence until he was outside Beth's room. He put her down as Jess opened the door. jess helped her mum over to her bed and lay her down on it then walked back out again.
“thanks again.” she said as he followed her downstairs and into the kitchen. he stayed in silence until jess sat down at the table and sighed.
the rest will be in the additional details
“I should go…” muttered Seth.
“I'll show you out.” jess replied
“no need I know where the door is, and you seem exhausted.” Seth said as he went to guide her towards the chair but as soon as he touched her shoulder suddenly a tingling sensation went through their bodies. Jess jumped back as soon as it happened.
“You should go know.” She said, looking annoyed.
“bye, I'll show myself out.” Seth said again the shock still showing a little on his face.
As he walked off she stood there wondering what happened. When she heard the door shut she went to make sure he was gone and then went to bed.
can you tell me what you think please?
As Jess left her friend Rachel's house, she started to wish she had left earlier. She didn't realise how dark it was outside. As she worked down the familiar road that led to her house, she passed a bar. Then suddenly bumped into something. Electricity went through her heart and spread around her body. It went so fast she thought she imagined it. As she looked at what she bumped into she realised it wasn't what, it was who. They stood there staring at each other. Someone shouted something on the side of the road and the strangers head shot up. When he did that jess noticed that he was about 7 inches taller than she was. He mumbled something, that was to quiet for her to understand, and walked over to the other side of the road. Jess couldn't help but stare after him but before he even got to the other side of the road, he turned his head to look at her. Their eyes met again, and the electricity ran through her body again. Quickly he looked away and entered the bar with, who she thought, was his friend. Confused, jess started walking home again.
When she got home the warmth of her house welcomed her. She went upstairs and ran a hot bath, wondering if she will see the mysterious stranger again. As Jess jumped in the bath she started to relax. When she got out she wrapped a towel around her and walked across to her bedroom. Her room has been kept the same ever since she was little. The same sky blue walls and plain white ceiling. She got changed into her pink, silk pyjamas and put her fluffy dressing gown. As she walked downstairs she thought she heard something in the kitchen. She moved down the hallway and stopped outside the kitchen door. Jess's mum was at work today and didn't get off until 10pm. Realising she has no idea what the time is, she hopped it was her mum. As she peered through the doorway, she recognises her friend Rachel.
“Rachel!” said jess excited “What are you doing here?”
“there you are! I called your house 30 minutes after you left to see if you got home alright and nobody answered! I thought you were in trouble so I came over and your back door was unlocked.”
“I'm glad you made yourself at home.” said Jess smiling at the sandwich in Rachel's hands.
“I got hungry,” rachel replied innocently, “anyway why were you so late home?”
“It's a long story, and you should probably get home.” said jess hopefully.
“yeah your right...” rachel said flatly “Bye, see you tomorrow at school.”
“Ok, bye.” replied Jess.
Just as rachel put her sandwich down and headed for the back door jess said “you can take your sandwich with you and use the front door.”
Rachel nodded her head slightly and picked the sandwich back up.
Jess walked Rachel to the door and waved her goodbye. Locking the door behind her jess walked back into the kitchen and locked the back-door. As she put the kettle ,to fill her water bottle,on she heard something outside. As she peered out through the window she thought she saw a figure but when she looked again it was gone. When the kettle was finally boiled she filled her water bottle and went to her room. She looked at the time and it was almost 10pm. She had been really late home! As she wondered why she had been so late home she eventually started to fall asleep.
Jess woke up just as something crashed downstairs, and looked at the time wondering if it could be her mum. It was 1am, so her mum should be home. Her mum, Beth, could be really clumsy. When Jess put on her dressing gown there was another crash, and jess knew her mum was clumsy but not that clumsy. She finally went downstairs to find her mum sitting at the kitchen table dunk with the mysterious stranger she ran into.
“mum... what the hell is going on?” she asked staring in disbelief at her mother
“hey, I'm Seth.” he said as Jess turned towards him.
“what are you doing here?” jess asked confused
“I saw your mum fall over so I helped her home.” Seth replied
“thanks .. I guess.” jess said looking at back at her mum “lets get you to bed.”
“do you need any help?” asked Seth as Beth stud up and almost fell over.
“no it's ok I can handle her.” said Jess even though she was struggling to keep her mum standing up.
“let me help.” said Seth as he suddenly picked up Beth.
“ok thank you.” said Jess as she led him to her mums room.
They walked in silence until he was outside Beth's room. He put her down as Jess opened the door. jess helped her mum over to her bed and lay her down on it then walked back out again.
“thanks again.” she said as he followed her downstairs and into the kitchen. he stayed in silence until jess sat down at the table and sighed.
the rest will be in the additional details
“I should go…” muttered Seth.
“I'll show you out.” jess replied
“no need I know where the door is, and you seem exhausted.” Seth said as he went to guide her towards the chair but as soon as he touched her shoulder suddenly a tingling sensation went through their bodies. Jess jumped back as soon as it happened.
“You should go know.” She said, looking annoyed.
“bye, I'll show myself out.” Seth said again the shock still showing a little on his face.
As he walked off she stood there wondering what happened. When she heard the door shut she went to make sure he was gone and then went to bed.