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<blockquote data-quote="daniel" data-source="post: 2134401" data-attributes="member: 207825"><p>I&#039;ve never tried to write anything before so any helpful criticism would be highly appreciated! So it begins with a male college student who decides to drop out of college because he believes god has told him that he has been destined to &quot;clean up the earth&quot;. He decides not to let his parents know he has dropped out of college, but instead uses the money they have been saving up for him his whole life and gets an apartment where he can &quot;do gods bidding&quot;. Hanging out with the darkest of crowds, the story portrays his first person thought for thought contact with everyone he meets, almost entirely taking place with what the character is thinking at each moment about everyone he sees and hears. Taking a &quot;friend&quot; home becomes his new pastime, and after drugging and brutally murdering his &quot;friends&quot;, he eventually finds himself wanting to do more &quot;good&quot;. After some time of this going on, and still yet to be caught, he meets a girl whom he falls in love with. Wanting to share his little secret with her, he decides to show her what he does every night when she can&#039;t get a hold of him. Freaking out, she trys to run away but he stops her and kills her accidentally. Feeling ashamed, he barriers her body out in the woods. Time passes, and his obsession for her grows even after her death. He decides he wants to see her again and goes out and digs up her dead body just so he can look at her (which by now isn&#039;t the prettiest sight). Wanting even more to see her again, he finds someone who looks similar to her and brings the new girl back to his apartment. After drugging her as he does everyone else, the story switches to her point of view in which she wakes up to find herself chained in a room with pictures of this other girl she doesn&#039;t know, and finds once she looks in a mirror located against the wall of the room that this man has cut and dyed her hair to look like the girl in the photograph. After some time, the story switches back to the guys point of view in which he is going out to find a new &quot;friend&quot; for the first time in weeks, sees a little girl playing in the center of a street with a car coming from the other direction. Yelling at the girl to move out of the way, she doesn&#039;t seem to hear him so he runs out into the street to save her just as they both get hit by the car. Realizing they have just hit someone, the driver speeds off, hit and run. Lying in the center of the street holding the little girl, she disappears in his arms and he realizes she is a hallucination and he dies. The story ends there and leaves it to the reader’s imagination for whatever happens to the girl who was bound in his apartment... Sry if it wasn&#039;t a very good story or if I made it too creepy, it was my first try and I wanted to go all out.</p></blockquote><p></p>

[QUOTE="daniel, post: 2134401, member: 207825"] I've never tried to write anything before so any helpful criticism would be highly appreciated! So it begins with a male college student who decides to drop out of college because he believes god has told him that he has been destined to "clean up the earth". He decides not to let his parents know he has dropped out of college, but instead uses the money they have been saving up for him his whole life and gets an apartment where he can "do gods bidding". Hanging out with the darkest of crowds, the story portrays his first person thought for thought contact with everyone he meets, almost entirely taking place with what the character is thinking at each moment about everyone he sees and hears. Taking a "friend" home becomes his new pastime, and after drugging and brutally murdering his "friends", he eventually finds himself wanting to do more "good". After some time of this going on, and still yet to be caught, he meets a girl whom he falls in love with. Wanting to share his little secret with her, he decides to show her what he does every night when she can't get a hold of him. Freaking out, she trys to run away but he stops her and kills her accidentally. Feeling ashamed, he barriers her body out in the woods. Time passes, and his obsession for her grows even after her death. He decides he wants to see her again and goes out and digs up her dead body just so he can look at her (which by now isn't the prettiest sight). Wanting even more to see her again, he finds someone who looks similar to her and brings the new girl back to his apartment. After drugging her as he does everyone else, the story switches to her point of view in which she wakes up to find herself chained in a room with pictures of this other girl she doesn't know, and finds once she looks in a mirror located against the wall of the room that this man has cut and dyed her hair to look like the girl in the photograph. After some time, the story switches back to the guys point of view in which he is going out to find a new "friend" for the first time in weeks, sees a little girl playing in the center of a street with a car coming from the other direction. Yelling at the girl to move out of the way, she doesn't seem to hear him so he runs out into the street to save her just as they both get hit by the car. Realizing they have just hit someone, the driver speeds off, hit and run. Lying in the center of the street holding the little girl, she disappears in his arms and he realizes she is a hallucination and he dies. The story ends there and leaves it to the reader’s imagination for whatever happens to the girl who was bound in his apartment... Sry if it wasn't a very good story or if I made it too creepy, it was my first try and I wanted to go all out. [/QUOTE]

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