When we first met, the attraction was intense. We live an hour apart, he came to meet me the first time and it was a nice date, then we talked a lot on the phone until I went to go visit him the next time. We both talked frankly about our very sexual natures (I have never slept around or had a one night stand, just very affectionate and love intimacy) and knew that we were going to get intimate if I went to see him so we talked about it before I went there and agreed we weren't going to be upset if we did (with my last boyfriend, I said I wanted to wait until marriage and he agreed but then we did it anyways and there was lots of guilt). I am so glad he has been so honest with me. And frankly, our physical side of our relationship is ABSOLUTELY AMAZING!!!
Anyways, I spend a lot of time out at his place and when I am there everything is so wonderful (not perfect obviously we are both trying to stay objective) but when I come home I get insecure. I was raised with the whole 'no-sex-marriage' so it bugs me, and the fact that we slept together so soon bugs me, even though it was mutally agreed upon. (I'm surprised its still bugging me, because he has turned me into an absolutely horn dog lol like seriously wow I cant keep off him, it's not that hes drop dead gorgeous either, he's just amaing!!). I keep remembering stories that my mom tells me, like our good family friend that was upset when his wife cheated on him and my mom says "well what do you expect, you knew she was easy you slept with her the day you met!" and when my aunt divorced because she said she was just her husbands sex kitten, she said to her "well what do you except you moved in with him after a few weeks!"
I keep thinking that because we rushed, we'll end up as one of these "what did you expect!" situations. We both know relationships take a lot of work, I've always wanted to become a counsellor so I've read countless marriage and relationship books. I'm not afraid to use outside help and see counsellors and pre marital counselling is going to be a must. I hate feeling so insecure, especially since we are still fairly new and we dont totally know eachother yet. We met at a really bad time (we both have young children, no judgement here please we have reasons for not being with our exs and have it all sorted out!), he's going through a custody battle and just had a few friends die plus his work is really overworking him. I'm trying to get my own place (to move where he lives actually, I lived there for 8 months last year and have friends there and just overall miss it there!)and figure out what I want to do with my life and how I'm going to do it, and it's just been overall stress stress stress for both of us, along with trying to figure out eachother communication styles! Its been rough to say the least lol.
Once this rough patch is over, are we able to really start focusing on building a solid friendship-based relationship? We want to start taking dance classes together (he used to compete when he was younger), and I'm looking forward to spending the summer on the lake and the outdoors because he owns a boat.
I feel like we were both "easy" by sleeping together so quickly. Have other relationships started this way and blossomed into fulfilling relationships? I know I have the resources, plus the patience (maybe lol) and determination to make it work, but I'm still so paranoid. Will this go away over time? I'm trying hard to really look at his character and make sure we are compatible (that's why I broke up with my ex- nothing nasty, I just knew it wasnt going to work out in the long run). The day-to-day is going well, it's just when I start overthinking about the future that I get paranoid! How can I sloowww dowwnn?
Anyways, I spend a lot of time out at his place and when I am there everything is so wonderful (not perfect obviously we are both trying to stay objective) but when I come home I get insecure. I was raised with the whole 'no-sex-marriage' so it bugs me, and the fact that we slept together so soon bugs me, even though it was mutally agreed upon. (I'm surprised its still bugging me, because he has turned me into an absolutely horn dog lol like seriously wow I cant keep off him, it's not that hes drop dead gorgeous either, he's just amaing!!). I keep remembering stories that my mom tells me, like our good family friend that was upset when his wife cheated on him and my mom says "well what do you expect, you knew she was easy you slept with her the day you met!" and when my aunt divorced because she said she was just her husbands sex kitten, she said to her "well what do you except you moved in with him after a few weeks!"
I keep thinking that because we rushed, we'll end up as one of these "what did you expect!" situations. We both know relationships take a lot of work, I've always wanted to become a counsellor so I've read countless marriage and relationship books. I'm not afraid to use outside help and see counsellors and pre marital counselling is going to be a must. I hate feeling so insecure, especially since we are still fairly new and we dont totally know eachother yet. We met at a really bad time (we both have young children, no judgement here please we have reasons for not being with our exs and have it all sorted out!), he's going through a custody battle and just had a few friends die plus his work is really overworking him. I'm trying to get my own place (to move where he lives actually, I lived there for 8 months last year and have friends there and just overall miss it there!)and figure out what I want to do with my life and how I'm going to do it, and it's just been overall stress stress stress for both of us, along with trying to figure out eachother communication styles! Its been rough to say the least lol.
Once this rough patch is over, are we able to really start focusing on building a solid friendship-based relationship? We want to start taking dance classes together (he used to compete when he was younger), and I'm looking forward to spending the summer on the lake and the outdoors because he owns a boat.
I feel like we were both "easy" by sleeping together so quickly. Have other relationships started this way and blossomed into fulfilling relationships? I know I have the resources, plus the patience (maybe lol) and determination to make it work, but I'm still so paranoid. Will this go away over time? I'm trying hard to really look at his character and make sure we are compatible (that's why I broke up with my ex- nothing nasty, I just knew it wasnt going to work out in the long run). The day-to-day is going well, it's just when I start overthinking about the future that I get paranoid! How can I sloowww dowwnn?