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<blockquote data-quote="ShloriPoujee" data-source="post: 2656246" data-attributes="member: 898538">I think it sounds quite good! ..are you sure your in tenth grade? Haha.. But:- i dont think he nesicarily killed people just because of what they looked like (you can correct me on that if it&#039;s not true)-before the word &quot;But&quot; there should be a , not a . and the B should be lowercase.- for the last sentence i like everything up until the point where you say &quot;loathed to death&quot;... I know thats the name of the essay, but the sentence just sounds a bit uncomplete, like your just puting words there kind of for the sake of it. Maybe that last bit should be something about his own death. Which i&#039;ve heard that he killed himself to avoid the trials, but i&#039;ve also hear that he killed himself because he relized that he didnt fit the description of what he thought the perfect person to be, and also i&#039;ve heard that he had a great grandparent or someone who was jewish. I&#039;m not quite sure, but you could do something like that. For example:..to the point where he relized that he was not perfect himself; in fact if he had been among the people, he too would have probably been killed.(again i&#039;m not sure if those facts are correct, but its just an idea)Hope this helps! <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile&nbsp; &nbsp; :)"&nbsp; data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" /></blockquote>

[QUOTE="ShloriPoujee, post: 2656246, member: 898538"] I think it sounds quite good! ..are you sure your in tenth grade? Haha .. But: - i dont think he nesicarily killed people just because of what they looked like (you can correct me on that if it's not true) -before the word "But" there should be a , not a . and the B should be lowercase. - for the last sentence i like everything up until the point where you say "loathed to death"... I know thats the name of the essay, but the sentence just sounds a bit uncomplete, like your just puting words there kind of for the sake of it. Maybe that last bit should be something about his own death. Which i've heard that he killed himself to avoid the trials, but i've also hear that he killed himself because he relized that he didnt fit the description of what he thought the perfect person to be, and also i've heard that he had a great grandparent or someone who was jewish. I'm not quite sure, but you could do something like that. For example: ..to the point where he relized that he was not perfect himself; in fact if he had been among the people, he too would have probably been killed. (again i'm not sure if those facts are correct, but its just an idea) Hope this helps! :) [/QUOTE]

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