Most of the time when I'm with my friends, I'm fine. Without them I feel horrible. Alone, sad, terrible for no reason. I cry at least 4 times a week. I just wish I could commit suicide to escape it all. If only I wouldn't hurt my friends by doing that, I probably would. My best friend and boyfriend are the only reason I'm still here. But I hate it. 70-80% I feel like crap.
Here's a little background info.
My dad verbally abuses me and my mom. He physically hurts my younger brothers and it's scary. I'm so scared of him. I can't wait to move out. Less than 4 1/2 years. Both my cousin and aunt have depression. I've cut myself about 5 times. Two times were pretty deep with big scars but most of the time I just felt bad so I did it. My boyfriend's asked about it, but I lie. I would feel guilty if he knew how bad I feel even with how great of a boyfriend he is. How great of a friend he was before we even went out.
My mom has talked about putting me in therapy, but what's the point if I'm not depressed. Sometimes I think I need help. I've prayed but it's not helping as much as I'd like it to.
I know this is crazy and hard to follow. I'm sorry.
All answers are appreciated : /
Here's a little background info.
My dad verbally abuses me and my mom. He physically hurts my younger brothers and it's scary. I'm so scared of him. I can't wait to move out. Less than 4 1/2 years. Both my cousin and aunt have depression. I've cut myself about 5 times. Two times were pretty deep with big scars but most of the time I just felt bad so I did it. My boyfriend's asked about it, but I lie. I would feel guilty if he knew how bad I feel even with how great of a boyfriend he is. How great of a friend he was before we even went out.
My mom has talked about putting me in therapy, but what's the point if I'm not depressed. Sometimes I think I need help. I've prayed but it's not helping as much as I'd like it to.
I know this is crazy and hard to follow. I'm sorry.
All answers are appreciated : /