Is this worth arguing about?

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calibug

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Let me begin by saying that I am 20 years old. I have been dating my 24 year old boyfriend for 2 and a half years. We met right before my freshman year of college. He lives about 2 and a half hours away from me with his parents since after he graduated. He just started a job that requires him to travel during the week, and on the weekends he can either come see me, or go home and see his family. Over the past 2 and a half years, any time I would go up and visit his family he would have to come get me and drive me there and bring me back because my mother wouldn't allow me to make the trip myself. Since we've been together so long and I'm pretty familiar with the route of how to get to his place, I think it'd be fine for me to drive there myself for his mom's birthday this weekend. However, when I asked my mother about it she jumped down my throat and told me I couldn't drive up there all alone and that if he were a gentleman he'd come get me. Personally, I feel that in a relationship things should be fair, where both members give and take equally. My question is, am I wrong? Should I just not go the the birthday party? My boyfriend is unable to come pick me up this time because his new job requires him to be the only one riding in the company truck. I don't know whether this is worth arguing about... Is my mom right? What do yall think? Thanks!
 
They always say your mother is always right, but not in this case. He can't come get you, so you going to him is the only logical solution. I agree with you about how it needs to be fair, I say go to the birthday party.
 
I think your mom is just being over-protective. She is taking advantage of the fact your boyfriend is kind enough to take you there. Tell her, if she is so worried about you driving there yourself that she should drop you off and pick you up. It's a bit childish but it would avoid a completely stupid argument and put her mind as ease. You could give the directions and everything.

Sooner or later you'll have to talk to her about it because you are an adult now and she shouldn't have any control over when you drive to someone's house. And if she pulls that stupid quote that "Since your in my house you do what I say" tell her that it doesn't matter weather or not you're in her house your 20 years old and you are legally an adult and can do whatever you want. But you have to understand she's probably just worried so... if you do argue about it. try and think of it from her view first
 
Idealistically, I should say you're 20... do what you want. But I am 19 (almost 20!) and I live 3 and a half hours away from my mom and I still have to ask her if I can drive 2 hours to go to Dallas. And yea if I went without telling her how is she going to find out, right? But I just feel like if I lied to her for one I wouldn't have fun because I would be thinking about her that the whole time I was there and second what if something were to happen on the trip she wouldn't know where I was. So I do understand where you're coming from. So I would suggest not going behind her back and doing it or not going without her consent, but I do believe this is worth the argument because its about time she cuts the umbilical cord. If you don't do it now, it won't happen and then you're going to be 40 and still asking her if you can do this or that. I am in the same place you are and I need to listen to this advise myself but easier said than done. Just try to reason with her and make her understand what you're trying to say. Help her see it from your perspective. Tell her that you love this man and you don't want to drift apart from this guy, who is good for you and your future, just because of distance. Show her you are responsible and can make your own choices by maybe getting a job or such. Just show her you are no longer a child.
 
Absolutely nothing wrong with your thoughts that within a relationship both parties need to give and take equally. Please don't change that thought. A good couple (IMO) works like a team, there is little to no selfishness.

However, althought you are 20 years old, many parents are very very protective of their children no matter what age, especailly daughters. And you can't blame them as what we all read and hear from the media is all about the dangers in our societies.

Having said that, you should be given more opportunity to "look after yourself" Possibly ask your mother whether she'll accept you driving if you gave her a call a couple of times throughout the trip. (of course pull over first before calling, unless you have handsfree) and make sure your doors are locked. Other than that, you'll have to convince her that there will be a time that she'll have to let go and allow you to be independant.

And I believe your mother is wrong when she thinks it'll be more gentlemanly for him to come pick you up. 2 and a half hours away = a 5 hour trip to drop you home or pick you up. That's a VERY VERY long drive. I would do that MOST of the time, but would expect my gf to drive down on occasion, just like guys pay for most dinners but it's nice when the lady pays every now and then.
 
Tell your mom there are 2 kinds of women: Givers and Takers. A woman who never offers anything is a taker. Tell her you don't believe in using a man for his time & money. A loving girlfriend will offer to do things for her boyfriend from time to time.

Tell your mother you refuse to come across as greedy and a taker. That's fine for women who don't respect men. But you love & respect your boyfriend enough to be a giver.
 
Taking the bus or a cab never hurts..although if that's not a viable option ask your mom WHY you can't drive there all alone? You are 20 years old for pete's sake! Unless you're a terrible driver tell her that there isn't any reason to worry. If she has been in a relationship she should know that one person can't do everything while the other sits there like a duck.
 
okay you're 20 your mom should not be controlling you and that's the most ridiculous rule i've ever heard! you're a big girl you can drive yourself! i can't believe he takes so much time to drive all the way over there and back! i agree with the relationship thing being fair and right now you're wasting a lot of his gas and you should go to the birthday yourself it'd show that you really care
 
I'm 20 years old too. I think your mom is just being over protective. My mom is the same way with certain things. They don't really realize your growing up, and treat you like a child sometimes. I don't know if it's necessarily something worth arguing about, but it is something that could be brought to her attention. I don't think it's fair he has to drive down 2 & 1/2 hours to pick you up to drive 2 &1/2 hours back. That's just a long drive. She's probably worried with you driving alone something bad could happen, but in all reality with him driving there, and back it's more likely to happen with him, because he's gotta be tired of driving by then. I think you could try talking to her calmly, but if this is something she's really adamant about, and doesn't want you to do, then you might just have to let it go until your moved out of her house. Your 20, but you still live at home with her rules, no matter how stupid they might be, and that's really something I've had to come to terms with...It might be annoying, but sometimes you just gotta suck it up, and deal with it ya know? It's ultimately up to you. If you think saying something to her could persuade her decision, then go for it, but you know her best. If you think all it's going to do is start a huge argument, then I'd probably say skip the party this time it's not worth it.
 
Your mother is being far too overprotective. Invite your mom to come with you. Maybe after that she wont want to go anymore and allow you to go alone.

As long as you have a cell phone and emergency road service, There should be no reason you could not drive a 21/2 hr drive. In fact I drive 21/2 hours to go see my mom now.

Before you leave on a trip be sure your car has good tires, a good spare, check the oil, the water, transmission fluids, brake fluids, or if you feel better have a certified mechanic give your car a check up. He will check all the fluids, hoses, brakes, battery, etc. and tell you if the car is reliable to make this trip or not.
 
I think your mom is being over protective. Its understandable because she raised, loved and protected you all of your life, she doesn't want anything to happen to you.
You are 20 years old. You are an adult. Do you own your own vehicle? If so, and you don't have to borrow your mom's, then you should go. (Assuming you have adequate driving experience and a license) It's part of being a responsible adult. She can't keep you locked up forever. You have to learn sometime.
Just sit down and talk with her without yelling or arguing and make your points.
Let her know that you are confident you can do it and you will be careful driving.
That attending the b-day party is important to you.
That you feel relationships are 50/50 and don't want your BF to lose his job.
And that if you are ever going to be a responsible adult, she has to let you stand on your own 2 feet at some point. And now is the time.
Hope this helps. Good luck
 
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