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Each week the Noise highlights 10 unobvious names who he believes are destined to morph into human torpedos. For those playing the Lames home edition, each player*must be started in at least 50 percent of Yahoo! leagues to qualify. As an accountability advocate, results, whether genius or moronic, will post the following week*using the revamped scoring system listed here. If you're a player on TEAM HUEVOS, list your Week 5 Lames with projections in the comments below.
Matchup: vs. Oak
Schaub, minus a posterior tatt, will channel the managerial spirit of Andy Bernard this week. Without the services of Andre Johnson and considering the gross*inefficiencies*of Oakland's run defense, count on Gary Kubiak to call Arian Foster's number at least 25 times. It's even conceivable No. 23 could surpass 35 touches. With Darren McFadden also expected to tote his usual heavy workload, this is a game bound to have a Jim Brown era, throwback feel. Yes, the Raiders are beatable vertically. So far this season, the Silver and Black has surrendered 290.8 yards and 2.0 touchdowns per game to QBs, equal to the seventh-most fantasy points. But Jacoby Jones is a significant downgrade from Johnson. In 12 career starts he's averaged an uneventful 44.7 yards per game and scored just one touchdown. Kevin Walter is interesting and Owen Daniels should see a healthy dose of targets, but given the weakness of the opponent, Schaub will keep gun strapped in holster. His disappointing No. 18 ranking (per game) among QBs is bound to slip into the 20s. Hey, the Noise tried to warn you (Full disclosure: Hopefully you ignored any additional warnings, particularly Ryan Mathews, Steve Smith and Greg Jennings. Galactic fails on my part.).
Fearless Forecast: 19-27, 203 passing yards, 1 touchdown, 1 interception, 13.1 fantasy points*
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Matchup: at SF
For those buried in a deep hole heading into last Monday's tilt with Indy, Blount's medicinal 141-total yard, 1-td exhibition certainly eased the pain. Now the 17th-best RB currently in fake football, he's not only overcome a slow start, he's dropkicked it. Despite netting 4.5 yards per carry over his past three games and, in a possible sign of the Mayan apocalypse, contributing in the pass game (two receptions for 27 yards), the battering ram could sink in Candlestick's thick mud. Linebackers Patrick Willis, Navorro Bowman and Ahmad Brooks have feasted on the flesh of running backs this year, each ranking well inside the top-20 against the run according to Pro Football Focus. On the season, the suffocating trio has surrendered just 2.9 yards per carry, 49 rushing yards per game and zero touchdowns to rushers, equal to the fewest fantasy points allowed. And it's not like they've faced the Chiefs every week. Felix Jones, Cedric Benson and LeSean McCoy combined for 3.4 yards per carry against them. Because of San Fran's problems against the pass, anticipate Raheem Morris to lean on the arm of Josh Freeman and not the legs of Blount. Pass him.
Matchup: at Min
Once the perfect ballpark complement, the artist formerly known as "The Weenie" is no longer behind the wheel of America's most beloved motorized meat. The No. 1 ranked RB (on a per game basis), running with purpose and determination, is finally starting to live up to the All-Pro expectations many within the Cardinals organization believed he was capable of when drafted in Round 1 two years ago. Still, in a game of matchups, any player, no matter how hot, can cool off in an instant. With RB eater Kevin Williams back in tow, the Vikes D, which was slaughtered in the trenches over the first two games of the season, appears to be on the mend. Over its past two contests, Minnesota has yielded just 2.5 yards per carry to rushers. Yes, Arizona, in an attempt to steer away from Williams, will likely attack the edges, a place where Wells has thrived, early and often. However, expect Leslie Frazier to creep an extra defender into the box to contain the perimeter. No doubt this is Beanie's breakout year, but, for one week only, the Vikes will smother him in*sauerkraut.
Fearless Forecast: 18 carries, 73 rushing yards, 0 receptions, 0 touchdowns, 7.3 fantasy points
Matchup: vs. Phi
Stevie has eliminated all doubts 2010 was a fluke. Currently the 10th-best receiver in fantasy, he's officially graduated from the WR2 ranks. In an explosive pass offense, he's a legit top target. However, even the game's best drop an enormous stinker from time-to-time. This could be Stevie's week. Philly's trio of fantasy death (Nnamdi Asomugha, Dominque Rodgers-Cromartie and Asante Samuel) hasn't exactly lived up to its advanced billing. Roddy White, Victor Cruz and, of all random people, Josh Morgan each posted quality fantasy numbers against it. Still, the threesome has performed well compared to most secondaries in the league holding wide receivers 17.1-percent below the league average in overall fantasy production. In a must-win situation, expect the Eagles secondary to play its best game of the season. Johnson, coming off a very vanilla 4-58-0 effort in Cincinnati, posts his second-straight flavorless game.
Fearless Forecast: 4 receptions, 47 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 7.7 fantasy points
Matchup: vs. NE
As a tight end, anytime your head coach insists a "ground and pound" philosophy must be re-instituted that generally means one thing: stay in the box. If Rex Ryan's conservative side*truly resurfaces against New England, Keller is destined to make little noise, despite what*appears to be an incredible paper matchup. After all, the very exploitable Pats have yielded 9.0 passing yards per attempt and 376.8 passing yards per game this season. Keller, who is in the midst of a breakthrough campaign (Pace: 72-1,044-8), has the appearance of a 5-75-1 slam dunk. But, outside last week's 4-78-0 line allowed to Oakland's Kevin Boss, the Pats have done a stellar job hindering tight ends. Plus-sized targets are performing 27.4-percent below the league average against them. That combined with Keller's more run-block intensive role suggests a quiet afternoon could be in store. Ground him in shallow leagues.
Fearless Forecast: 4 receptions, 35 receiving yards, 0 touchdowns, 6.5 fantasy points
BONUS WEEK 5 LAMES
Bring the noise on Twitter. Follow Brad*@YahooNoise. Also, be sure to tune into The Fantasy Freak Show this Friday starting at 8 PM ET/5 PM PT LIVE on*Yahoo! Sports Radio.
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