...car accident involving a drunk drive?
Funerals are seriously depressing. Even if I can’t actually see anything through the constant stream of tears that run relentlessly down my cheeks. Almost everybody I know is here in the crowded little church to “celebrate” the life’s of my family. Who ever came up with the word “celebrate” ought to be shot. I would do it my self if I could see. Simply things such as happiness and joy have ceased to mean anything to me over the past week. Smiling and laughter are like hazy dreams you can just remember but are overridden by the horrors of a nightmare. Right now that nightmare is my life.
The four coffins, three adult size and a smaller one for Lucy are present reminders of that nightmare.
I was looking through pictures for the funeral. There are always one of us missing in the family shots. The one holding the camera. It turned out that was normally me.
At the time I was thrilled I was the only one in the family who could successfully use a piece of technology without breaking it or else setting it on fire, but now I realised what I missed out on. If you were to look through our photo album’s you would hardly know I existed. It was like I was a cousin or a friend… not in the immediate family. Like I too had my own little happy smiling family like the one I found in the album. Except I didn’t. That was my family and now I belonged nowhere. We hardly had any family in the country and the one’s that did would not be able to support another fifteen year old girl. Oh my god I’m an orphan. Even though for the past week I knew I was alone I had not once thought of myself as an orphan. That term seemed reserved for tear gerker movies such as Oliver Twist, not reality.
©2008-11-20
Funerals are seriously depressing. Even if I can’t actually see anything through the constant stream of tears that run relentlessly down my cheeks. Almost everybody I know is here in the crowded little church to “celebrate” the life’s of my family. Who ever came up with the word “celebrate” ought to be shot. I would do it my self if I could see. Simply things such as happiness and joy have ceased to mean anything to me over the past week. Smiling and laughter are like hazy dreams you can just remember but are overridden by the horrors of a nightmare. Right now that nightmare is my life.
The four coffins, three adult size and a smaller one for Lucy are present reminders of that nightmare.
I was looking through pictures for the funeral. There are always one of us missing in the family shots. The one holding the camera. It turned out that was normally me.
At the time I was thrilled I was the only one in the family who could successfully use a piece of technology without breaking it or else setting it on fire, but now I realised what I missed out on. If you were to look through our photo album’s you would hardly know I existed. It was like I was a cousin or a friend… not in the immediate family. Like I too had my own little happy smiling family like the one I found in the album. Except I didn’t. That was my family and now I belonged nowhere. We hardly had any family in the country and the one’s that did would not be able to support another fifteen year old girl. Oh my god I’m an orphan. Even though for the past week I knew I was alone I had not once thought of myself as an orphan. That term seemed reserved for tear gerker movies such as Oliver Twist, not reality.
©2008-11-20