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Mind editing my story introduction?
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<blockquote data-quote="YaheWhatevae" data-source="post: 2064971" data-attributes="member: 742443"><p>I am writing a story and I need help editing the introduction. Mind editing the introduction? Or at least provide tips to improve the introduction. Thanks in advance!</p><p></p><p>A woman and child step out of a revolving door; a hand holding the child’s and pulling a black suitcase. Flashing buildings, roaming cars, and crowds of faces. Fascinating billboards, clips of Manga, and the smell of humid air.</p><p>The child’s brown eyes fill with wonder. Her crimson lips pull a delighted smile. The child look up at the woman. The woman is</p><p>sad. A diamond fall down one cheek. </p><p>“Mommy?”</p><p>The woman brush the diamond. Looking down at her child, she force a smile.</p><p>The child clasp her mother by the waist. “It’s okay to cry. Daddy said Japan takes you back to your past. He said –“</p><p>“Let’s go, Rose. We have to find a hotel.”</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="YaheWhatevae, post: 2064971, member: 742443"] I am writing a story and I need help editing the introduction. Mind editing the introduction? Or at least provide tips to improve the introduction. Thanks in advance! A woman and child step out of a revolving door; a hand holding the child’s and pulling a black suitcase. Flashing buildings, roaming cars, and crowds of faces. Fascinating billboards, clips of Manga, and the smell of humid air. The child’s brown eyes fill with wonder. Her crimson lips pull a delighted smile. The child look up at the woman. The woman is sad. A diamond fall down one cheek. “Mommy?” The woman brush the diamond. Looking down at her child, she force a smile. The child clasp her mother by the waist. “It’s okay to cry. Daddy said Japan takes you back to your past. He said –“ “Let’s go, Rose. We have to find a hotel.” [/QUOTE]
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