Hi.
I'm a 29 year old gay male in California. My live-in boyfriend is from China and is unwilling to come out to his family, most of whom are still in China. He says he will do anything to make his mom happy, including sacrifice his own happiness because she gave him life. I've told him so many times to man up and come out to her and that she will accept him if she truly loves him, but he says he can never do this and that I can't understand because it is simply a cultural difference between America and China.
Since he is approaching 30, of course his family expects him to marry soon and have babies. I sighed with relief when he recently backed off his plan to marry an unwitting straight girl. But now he's found a local Chinese lesbian in the same boat and plans to marry her at the end of the year. He says that this wedding and relationship with her is all a sham and that of course he will stay together with me and keep living with me. I'm thinking, though, that this is going to cause some problems for us no matter what: the lesbian, along with her girlfriend, is going to have to be our permanent housemate, my boyfriend and her will have to seriously pretend to be in love a few times a year during the requisite parental visits, and they will have to have babies and raise them together.
First of all, how dense will their parents have to be to not see through this? Secondly, is there any way to manage this situation so that it doesn't screw things up in our lovely gay relationship? Is it wrong that I'm feeling jealous of his wife-to-be, even though we all know it's just a sham? Am I being close-minded by expecting him to conform to American norms - should I be open-minded and see this as a new interest hybrid multi-cultural family?
Thanks much for the advice,
Ryan
I'm a 29 year old gay male in California. My live-in boyfriend is from China and is unwilling to come out to his family, most of whom are still in China. He says he will do anything to make his mom happy, including sacrifice his own happiness because she gave him life. I've told him so many times to man up and come out to her and that she will accept him if she truly loves him, but he says he can never do this and that I can't understand because it is simply a cultural difference between America and China.
Since he is approaching 30, of course his family expects him to marry soon and have babies. I sighed with relief when he recently backed off his plan to marry an unwitting straight girl. But now he's found a local Chinese lesbian in the same boat and plans to marry her at the end of the year. He says that this wedding and relationship with her is all a sham and that of course he will stay together with me and keep living with me. I'm thinking, though, that this is going to cause some problems for us no matter what: the lesbian, along with her girlfriend, is going to have to be our permanent housemate, my boyfriend and her will have to seriously pretend to be in love a few times a year during the requisite parental visits, and they will have to have babies and raise them together.
First of all, how dense will their parents have to be to not see through this? Secondly, is there any way to manage this situation so that it doesn't screw things up in our lovely gay relationship? Is it wrong that I'm feeling jealous of his wife-to-be, even though we all know it's just a sham? Am I being close-minded by expecting him to conform to American norms - should I be open-minded and see this as a new interest hybrid multi-cultural family?
Thanks much for the advice,
Ryan