(Jenny dated Jake and rob even though it was forbidden by her best friend Anna. She lost her friend Anna cuz she was honest about them to her, anna loved them they were her ex boyfriends. And then she feels sad cuz her grandfather died and can’t pull herself out of depression)
“Stop it Jenny!” She yelled to herself. Her thoughts were overwhelming her again. She sat dried eyed and all cried out. Jenny didn’t want to shed another tear. She cried too much, she cried over rob, Jake, Anna, and her grandfather. ‘Why have I cried so much, I was much stronger in California? I hardly cried in there, I only cry if someone physically hurt me,’ jenny thought, hugging her pillow. In California she never felt weak, she always fought back and always got the last word during petty fights. No one ever got the best of her, she suddenly remembered how great it felt to hug Anna after she arrived from California into her town; she never thought they’d end things so ugly before she left for Manila.
(How can I improve this. Rewrite this and win) OR give me tips?
“Stop it Jenny!” She yelled to herself. Her thoughts were overwhelming her again. She sat dried eyed and all cried out. Jenny didn’t want to shed another tear. She cried too much, she cried over rob, Jake, Anna, and her grandfather. ‘Why have I cried so much, I was much stronger in California? I hardly cried in there, I only cry if someone physically hurt me,’ jenny thought, hugging her pillow. In California she never felt weak, she always fought back and always got the last word during petty fights. No one ever got the best of her, she suddenly remembered how great it felt to hug Anna after she arrived from California into her town; she never thought they’d end things so ugly before she left for Manila.
(How can I improve this. Rewrite this and win) OR give me tips?