Ok I don't really know what I expect to get from this. Honestly, I probably just need somewhere to vent. But here goes. I'm 18 and in the closet. I haven't had any opportunity for a relationship with a guy until about three weeks ago. I came out to a friend of mine who I'll call Jessica. Jessica then invited me to a gay prom and I took the plunge and went with her. There, we ran into some of her old friends from the school she used to go to before mine, who I'll call Dan, Nate and Jen. Dan and Nate are both gay and that night I had a bit of a crush on Dan. I got everyone's phone numbers because we clicked pretty well and soon enough I was texting Dan and Jen. Finally Dan and I just came out and admitted to each other that both of us had some kind of attraction going on. At this point I'm really happy. I've got a date coming up, new friends to hang out with, life looks good. Then the next weekend after gay prom Dan and I hang out with the group (Dan, Jes, Jen, Nate and I) and we didn't really get close. The whole night Jess kept texting me telling me to kiss Dan good night and to hold his hand. The next day Dan and I had our first real date, and we still didn't kiss because when the moment was there my mom showed up. So we all make plans to hang out the next weekend (which is last weekend relating to today) and on Friday Dan, Nate, Jess and I are all at Dan's house. Towards the end of the night Nate and Jess put on a movie that Dan and I weren't really interested in so we got close and then eventually kissed. We kissed while they watched the movie. And apparently this was the beginning of the shitstorm. I could tell that people were a little tense when it was time to leave but I didn't think much of it. The next day Jen could hang out and she invited all of us over to her pool. Dan and I kissed a little bit, not nearly as much as at Dan's house, and the night went on. Towards the end of the night I got my first hint something was wrong. Jen took Dan and I out to her little shed hang out place and we both thought we were going to hang out in there. Jen left for a second and Dan and I just waited in there. We weren't even kissing. But then we started to realize they weren't coming back. We went back inside eventually but for some reason the rest of the night felt awkward. Jen started getting bitchy to me towards the end of the night and I didn't know what it was.
Fast forward to yesterday.
Jess and I are hanging out and she's talking about how much she hates all her friends right now and jokingly I say, "what about meeee?" and then she goes, "you're kind of annoying me lately." Which isn't what I expected to hear, so I asked why, and she said it was annoying that I was "almost having sex with Dan the whole night." My heart starts sinking and she goes on and tells me how gross and "super rude" I was and that it's not something you do. Not only that but it's obvious from what she's saying that Nate and Jess are mad at me too. And not once did I get the sense that they blamed Dan at all, even though he really was the one initiating all the kissing. THEN I find out from Dan that Jen has been passive aggressive to him all week since then and he's bending over backwards to work around that. So now I'm going to feel awkward acting like he's my boyfriend at all around them, which sucks because it's pretty much the only time I get to see him. What felt nice and sweet and innocent for two weeks now feels upsetting and awkward, and also, there's another whole dynamic. I hate making people feel uncomfortable, when I'm with my friends I'll ALWAYS do what they want to avoid having them feel bored or awkward. So the one time I have time to actually make up for four years of lost time where I take charge and actually think about myself instead of everyone else, everyone hates me now. Is it wrong of me to be annoyed at Jess, Jen and Nate for being such bitches about this? I didn't even for a second think about doing too much PDA because I've never been in a god damn relationship before but now everyone thinks I'm gross and rude. Because of PDA. Don't people have better things to be pissed about? And it's not my fault Jen has a terrible relationship with her own boyfriend, she barely even talks to him in public when she's with her friends. And I think anyone would be shocked to hear someone telling you that you're gross and rude. What really sucks is now I can't see Dan the way I did before because I'm so damn sensitive to criticism and now when I think about him I think about this whole mess. Not only that but I really wanted a good friendship with Jen, Jess and Nate but apparently I just move too damn fast.
So really I guess it comes down to this- should I be 100x more apologetic over some making out around friends, or are t
Fast forward to yesterday.
Jess and I are hanging out and she's talking about how much she hates all her friends right now and jokingly I say, "what about meeee?" and then she goes, "you're kind of annoying me lately." Which isn't what I expected to hear, so I asked why, and she said it was annoying that I was "almost having sex with Dan the whole night." My heart starts sinking and she goes on and tells me how gross and "super rude" I was and that it's not something you do. Not only that but it's obvious from what she's saying that Nate and Jess are mad at me too. And not once did I get the sense that they blamed Dan at all, even though he really was the one initiating all the kissing. THEN I find out from Dan that Jen has been passive aggressive to him all week since then and he's bending over backwards to work around that. So now I'm going to feel awkward acting like he's my boyfriend at all around them, which sucks because it's pretty much the only time I get to see him. What felt nice and sweet and innocent for two weeks now feels upsetting and awkward, and also, there's another whole dynamic. I hate making people feel uncomfortable, when I'm with my friends I'll ALWAYS do what they want to avoid having them feel bored or awkward. So the one time I have time to actually make up for four years of lost time where I take charge and actually think about myself instead of everyone else, everyone hates me now. Is it wrong of me to be annoyed at Jess, Jen and Nate for being such bitches about this? I didn't even for a second think about doing too much PDA because I've never been in a god damn relationship before but now everyone thinks I'm gross and rude. Because of PDA. Don't people have better things to be pissed about? And it's not my fault Jen has a terrible relationship with her own boyfriend, she barely even talks to him in public when she's with her friends. And I think anyone would be shocked to hear someone telling you that you're gross and rude. What really sucks is now I can't see Dan the way I did before because I'm so damn sensitive to criticism and now when I think about him I think about this whole mess. Not only that but I really wanted a good friendship with Jen, Jess and Nate but apparently I just move too damn fast.
So really I guess it comes down to this- should I be 100x more apologetic over some making out around friends, or are t