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<blockquote data-quote="Spazmo17" data-source="post: 2002781" data-attributes="member: 726550">errr, it needs work, but it&#039;s okay. shy away from sentence starters, &quot;Right then, Overall, etc. also, avoid things like sucked and pretty much. heighten your vocabulary, and if it doesn&#039;t come naturally, write a piece then go back and level up =D use a thesaurus if that helps. don&#039;t start off with a question, start off with a thought. instead of &quot;I never even did anything, shouldn’t it be legal to jail a person because they can do magic? It wasn’t my choice to be like this.” maybe use a conscious, like your character having a conversation with himself in his head. try to use some dialect. &nbsp; &nbsp; ex. &quot;So pal, looks like we&#039;ve got ourselves in quite the mess.&nbsp; Can&#039;t keep you&#039;re mischief to yourself can ya&#039;? Oh and by the way, you might want to look for something to eat.&quot; At that, Josh was interrupted by the ruckus his stomach created. He jumped up and set off for something to satisfy his hunger.</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Spazmo17, post: 2002781, member: 726550"] errr, it needs work, but it's okay. shy away from sentence starters, "Right then, Overall, etc. also, avoid things like sucked and pretty much. heighten your vocabulary, and if it doesn't come naturally, write a piece then go back and level up =D use a thesaurus if that helps. don't start off with a question, start off with a thought. instead of "I never even did anything, shouldn’t it be legal to jail a person because they can do magic? It wasn’t my choice to be like this.” maybe use a conscious, like your character having a conversation with himself in his head. try to use some dialect. ex. "So pal, looks like we've got ourselves in quite the mess. Can't keep you're mischief to yourself can ya'? Oh and by the way, you might want to look for something to eat." At that, Josh was interrupted by the ruckus his stomach created. He jumped up and set off for something to satisfy his hunger. [/QUOTE]

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