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Please, please, people don't ignore my question. Can anyone be so kind and...
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<blockquote data-quote="student" data-source="post: 2129571" data-attributes="member: 218371"><p>...correct my introduction paragraph.? I’m having a hard time correcting it myself, can anyone please correct it for me. </p><p></p><p>I know it’s not your homework but I'm stressing out, I really need someone's help. </p><p></p><p>P.S my teacher wants me to "develop the thesis by refining it down to one clear, sharply stated idea", </p><p></p><p>Oh and by the way this essay is about my camping experience <img src="https://cdn.jsdelivr.net/joypixels/assets/8.0/png/unicode/64/1f642.png" class="smilie smilie--emoji" loading="lazy" width="64" height="64" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" data-smilie="1"data-shortname=":)" />. I hope you enjoy it. </p><p></p><p>Thank You.</p><p></p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p></p><p>Introduction.</p><p>Spending three days at a camping trip was one of the best adventures in my entire life. The trip improved my relationship with my family. It kept me away from home, school and the city in general, helping me relax my body and mind. In addition, the journey also helped me appreciate nature. One simple adventure opened my eyes and helped me realize how beautiful the world can be at a certain time and place.</p><p></p><p>1st Body Paragraph.</p><p>Going on a camping trip with my family for the first time at the age of fourteen was very exciting especially because I spent time with my father and brother who I never spoke to much as a child. Since my brother spent most of the days with a babysitter and my father worked for really long hours making it impossible for me to spend quality time with them. Until this amazing adventure came to my life and made it possible. During the three days of camp I had the opportunity to have many wonderful conversations with my loved ones which defiantly helped improve my relationship with them. For example in one of the conversations we talked about our past, the present, and the future ahead of us and about what we should do as a family to provide for one another. I was also able to tell my family members how much they mean to me from the bottom of my hearth which made me feel good about myself. In addition, the camping trip also let me experience new things that I've never done before with two individuals who are always there for me. For example, swim in a lake, hike up a mountain, shoot a pellet riffle, tell scary stories before falling to sleep, and start a camp fire to cook marshmallows. </p><p></p><p>2nd Body Paragraph</p><p>Having the opportunity to experience life in a new environment away from home, school, and the city of Los Angles was one of the best things that ever happen to me during the camping trip, especially because I was finally able to relax, which was very hard to do back in the real world. For example back at home I would always have to water the lawn, clean the house, feed the dog, and throw out the garbage for seven days a week. Since my father would assign me exhausting chores to do while he was at work and my little brother with the babysitter, but during camp I dint have to worry about any of those things because I was so far away from home. Waking up super early and catching the school bus to attend school was also a big problem for me back in the real world because I was always tired and sleepy during class, but during camp I was able to sleep for many hours, which help me relax. Leaving Los Angeles for a couple of days was also very relaxing because I didn’t have to worry about gang members in my neighborhood, who always robbed people or sold drugs in the streets.</p><p></p><p>3rd Body Paragraph. </p><p>Camping outdoors in the mountains for three days helped me appreciate nature. Before ever going on the adventure I never realize how beautiful certain things in the world could be. For example one day at camp I was able to watch the sunset which I've never really pay attention to much. In addition, my eyes also had the opportunity to see and realize how amazing gazing at the stars during midnight could be. Other wonderful experiences like walking in the woods, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, smelling the aroma coming from the flowers and breathing the fresh air all helped me appreciate nature and look at it from a different perspective. That's a reason why I have been more aware of my lifestyle to protect the environment which some people don't really take for granted. During the past few years I've tried my best to recycle all aluminum cans and plastic bottles to help the environment. Now that I'm attending school I've also decided to ride the metro in order to stop global warming. </p><p></p><p>Conclusion</p><p>Camping in the mountains for an adventure was defiantly a life changing experience. It made me a better person towards my family. It also improved my state of mind and helped me understand the importance of nature which I never thought an adventure could possibly do. This is defiantly why I encourage every individual to go on a journey of their own.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="student, post: 2129571, member: 218371"] ...correct my introduction paragraph.? I’m having a hard time correcting it myself, can anyone please correct it for me. I know it’s not your homework but I'm stressing out, I really need someone's help. P.S my teacher wants me to "develop the thesis by refining it down to one clear, sharply stated idea", Oh and by the way this essay is about my camping experience :). I hope you enjoy it. Thank You. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------ Introduction. Spending three days at a camping trip was one of the best adventures in my entire life. The trip improved my relationship with my family. It kept me away from home, school and the city in general, helping me relax my body and mind. In addition, the journey also helped me appreciate nature. One simple adventure opened my eyes and helped me realize how beautiful the world can be at a certain time and place. 1st Body Paragraph. Going on a camping trip with my family for the first time at the age of fourteen was very exciting especially because I spent time with my father and brother who I never spoke to much as a child. Since my brother spent most of the days with a babysitter and my father worked for really long hours making it impossible for me to spend quality time with them. Until this amazing adventure came to my life and made it possible. During the three days of camp I had the opportunity to have many wonderful conversations with my loved ones which defiantly helped improve my relationship with them. For example in one of the conversations we talked about our past, the present, and the future ahead of us and about what we should do as a family to provide for one another. I was also able to tell my family members how much they mean to me from the bottom of my hearth which made me feel good about myself. In addition, the camping trip also let me experience new things that I've never done before with two individuals who are always there for me. For example, swim in a lake, hike up a mountain, shoot a pellet riffle, tell scary stories before falling to sleep, and start a camp fire to cook marshmallows. 2nd Body Paragraph Having the opportunity to experience life in a new environment away from home, school, and the city of Los Angles was one of the best things that ever happen to me during the camping trip, especially because I was finally able to relax, which was very hard to do back in the real world. For example back at home I would always have to water the lawn, clean the house, feed the dog, and throw out the garbage for seven days a week. Since my father would assign me exhausting chores to do while he was at work and my little brother with the babysitter, but during camp I dint have to worry about any of those things because I was so far away from home. Waking up super early and catching the school bus to attend school was also a big problem for me back in the real world because I was always tired and sleepy during class, but during camp I was able to sleep for many hours, which help me relax. Leaving Los Angeles for a couple of days was also very relaxing because I didn’t have to worry about gang members in my neighborhood, who always robbed people or sold drugs in the streets. 3rd Body Paragraph. Camping outdoors in the mountains for three days helped me appreciate nature. Before ever going on the adventure I never realize how beautiful certain things in the world could be. For example one day at camp I was able to watch the sunset which I've never really pay attention to much. In addition, my eyes also had the opportunity to see and realize how amazing gazing at the stars during midnight could be. Other wonderful experiences like walking in the woods, feeling the warmth of the sun on my skin, smelling the aroma coming from the flowers and breathing the fresh air all helped me appreciate nature and look at it from a different perspective. That's a reason why I have been more aware of my lifestyle to protect the environment which some people don't really take for granted. During the past few years I've tried my best to recycle all aluminum cans and plastic bottles to help the environment. Now that I'm attending school I've also decided to ride the metro in order to stop global warming. Conclusion Camping in the mountains for an adventure was defiantly a life changing experience. It made me a better person towards my family. It also improved my state of mind and helped me understand the importance of nature which I never thought an adventure could possibly do. This is defiantly why I encourage every individual to go on a journey of their own. [/QUOTE]
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