Caine7SFG
New member
- May 14, 2008
- 26
- 0
- 1
"I will never hear church bells ringing again without smiling"
.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.' Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
****************************************************************************
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tatooed, welfare dependent,
chav, minger, woman wearing a Rangers top
walked into ASDA in Castlemilk(a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's south side)
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The ASDA greeter said pleasantly,
'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA.
Nice children you have there.
Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'F*ck naw, they're nae twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7..
Why the f*ck would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter.
'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'
.
Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, 'He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning.' Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.
'Oh no, my dear,' replied granny. 'Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even. Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong.'
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, 'He'd still be alive if the ice cream truck hadn't come along.
****************************************************************************
A very loud, greasy, unattractive, tatooed, welfare dependent,
chav, minger, woman wearing a Rangers top
walked into ASDA in Castlemilk(a sprawling council estate on Glasgow's south side)
with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The ASDA greeter said pleasantly,
'Good morning madam, and welcome to ASDA.
Nice children you have there.
Are they twins by any chance?'
The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say,
'F*ck naw, they're nae twins.
The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7..
Why the f*ck would you think they're twins?
Are you blind, thick or just stupid?'
'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,'replied the greeter.
'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice.
Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA.'