WorldlyLove
New member
- Dec 8, 2010
- 3
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Ok, this is kinda complicated, but please bear with me.
So I broke up with my last boyfriend unofficially in February and officially in May (I broke up with him after 2.5 years because my gut was saying no and I just didn't feel we wee compatible for marriage). He is still lingering around, though, and trying to get back with me. Since February, however, I started talking to a new guy via long distance and we became official in May (when he came to visit me). I didn't tell my ex about him at first, but he found out on his own (long story). He has since been trying to win me back through whatever means necessary--begging me to reconsider, saying he will change, etc. He has also gone to lengths to try to dig up dirt on my new guy. It turns out he stupidly asked some mutual Facebook female friends that he has with this guy what they knew about him. A couple of the girls said that he had "macked it" to them in the past, deleted and re-added them on Facebook numerous times recently, and one girl said that he was hitting on her via Facebook e-mail and mentioned wanting to meet up with her in December (when he comes back to the U.S. from his work overseas).
Of course this made my blood boil, so I asked him about it (I didn't tell him specifics, but that I had a "feeling" that he was talking to other girls), but he denied that he was talking to anyone else seriously. He said he just has "friends". He also said he will try to not be so flirty with girls so that they won't get the wrong impression. He said that since he broke off his engagement two years ago he made a lot of girlfriends but now that he found me he doesn't need them anymore, so he will not talk to them as much. This made me feel at ease, except he had one girl keep popping up all over his Facebook (even after our discussion), so I deleted him off my Facebook. After this is when my ex told me about the girl who he said he wanted to meet up with in December. Ever since then things have been weird with us. I am acting distant and he is frustrated with me.
Should I tell him the specifics about how much I really know? Like tell him that my ex tried to dig up dirt on him and found out this stuff about him? Or should I just leave it alone? I should mention that I am from a culture where dating is done on the down low, so it makes things very complicated because everyone thinks you are single even if you aren't. So people will hit on you all the time even if you are in a relationship (because they don't know you are in one). Also, because we don't sleep together while dating, there is not the expectation that you "own" the other person...or that you are necessarily 100% exclusive. So I am not pissed so much that he is talking to other girls, but that he is lying to me about it. At least if he is up front about it, I can handle it accordingly. But he is sweet-talking me to my face, calling me his girlfriend and even nonchalantly proposed to me, while at the same time talking to other girls. It seems dishonest. And honestly, I want to tell him that if he is talking to other girls, then I will talk to other guys--level the playing field, you know.
Anyway, what do you think? Should I tell him specifics or just leave it? Part of me really wants to tell him so that he knows the true reason why I've been acting so awkward and so that he knows that I know what's up.
Thanks for your help!
So I broke up with my last boyfriend unofficially in February and officially in May (I broke up with him after 2.5 years because my gut was saying no and I just didn't feel we wee compatible for marriage). He is still lingering around, though, and trying to get back with me. Since February, however, I started talking to a new guy via long distance and we became official in May (when he came to visit me). I didn't tell my ex about him at first, but he found out on his own (long story). He has since been trying to win me back through whatever means necessary--begging me to reconsider, saying he will change, etc. He has also gone to lengths to try to dig up dirt on my new guy. It turns out he stupidly asked some mutual Facebook female friends that he has with this guy what they knew about him. A couple of the girls said that he had "macked it" to them in the past, deleted and re-added them on Facebook numerous times recently, and one girl said that he was hitting on her via Facebook e-mail and mentioned wanting to meet up with her in December (when he comes back to the U.S. from his work overseas).
Of course this made my blood boil, so I asked him about it (I didn't tell him specifics, but that I had a "feeling" that he was talking to other girls), but he denied that he was talking to anyone else seriously. He said he just has "friends". He also said he will try to not be so flirty with girls so that they won't get the wrong impression. He said that since he broke off his engagement two years ago he made a lot of girlfriends but now that he found me he doesn't need them anymore, so he will not talk to them as much. This made me feel at ease, except he had one girl keep popping up all over his Facebook (even after our discussion), so I deleted him off my Facebook. After this is when my ex told me about the girl who he said he wanted to meet up with in December. Ever since then things have been weird with us. I am acting distant and he is frustrated with me.
Should I tell him the specifics about how much I really know? Like tell him that my ex tried to dig up dirt on him and found out this stuff about him? Or should I just leave it alone? I should mention that I am from a culture where dating is done on the down low, so it makes things very complicated because everyone thinks you are single even if you aren't. So people will hit on you all the time even if you are in a relationship (because they don't know you are in one). Also, because we don't sleep together while dating, there is not the expectation that you "own" the other person...or that you are necessarily 100% exclusive. So I am not pissed so much that he is talking to other girls, but that he is lying to me about it. At least if he is up front about it, I can handle it accordingly. But he is sweet-talking me to my face, calling me his girlfriend and even nonchalantly proposed to me, while at the same time talking to other girls. It seems dishonest. And honestly, I want to tell him that if he is talking to other girls, then I will talk to other guys--level the playing field, you know.
Anyway, what do you think? Should I tell him specifics or just leave it? Part of me really wants to tell him so that he knows the true reason why I've been acting so awkward and so that he knows that I know what's up.
Thanks for your help!