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<blockquote data-quote="whatsername1180" data-source="post: 3004453" data-attributes="member: 220615">48.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Feeling the strain of his efforts, the doctor retreated back to the sanctuary of his office.&nbsp; 49.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 50.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Meanwhile, Optimus Prime and Godzilla were waging war on each other in Czechoslovakia.&nbsp; 51.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Something sinister was going down in New Zealand...&nbsp; 52.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Jesus rose from the dead... AGAIN!&nbsp; 53.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Little did he know Jesus leading an army of aliens with spears and anti-gravitational sandals were destroying all beings with boners.&nbsp; 54.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; But he pauses, remembers his father gave mankind free will, and decides not to announce his return.&nbsp; 55.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Japan was destroyed by a series of titanic earthquakes that shocked the world.&nbsp; 56.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The Korean nation rejoiced in the destruction of Japan and started a mass starcraft orgy.&nbsp; 57.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; There was no doubt about it, Africa was in the house.&nbsp; 58.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 59.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Blood leaked from a paper sack onto the floor.&nbsp; 60.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The inside of my left nostril itched. I stared nonchalantly into my tepid cup of coffee. Today was surely the day.&nbsp; 61.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Suddenly, stage right, entered Doctor Wind and his band of farting zombies.&nbsp; 62.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Fuck yes, A Prairie Home Companion was on!&nbsp; 63.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The light from the overhead fluorescent lights refracted through a three-quarters full glass of water positioned on the table within reach of his leathery hand, creating dancing bars of whiteness on the otherwise dull surface...&nbsp; 64.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The emergency mittens had been released.&nbsp; 65.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Returning to get the paper bag, he pulled out the still beating heart of a lesser demon king and bit down upon it.&nbsp; 66.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It yielded to his teeth like a pulled pork sandwich. He would have to act quickly, the strength of will imparted would not last long.&nbsp; 67.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; His minions had begun to crawl towards the sacred crystal, trailing their innards across the linoleum floor.&nbsp; 68.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The mystical sigils carved into his skin could not ward him from the evil this time; he doubled over and vomited.&nbsp; 69.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Light shot out of his eyes, piercing the dense blackness.&nbsp; 70.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; If only his eyes had been modified to see beyond the confines of visible light, the room would have been awash with searing gamma rays, in a color which did not exist in any earthly language.&nbsp; 71.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The radiant heat was too much to bear and his skin became leathery as he was forced to close his eyes: how could they have sent him in so ill-prepared?&nbsp; 72.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; He could swear he felt every pain receptor in his body signalling frantically, then falling silent.&nbsp; 73.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Even if he survived the present encounter, he would be crippled and braindead in a week&#039;s time.&nbsp; 74.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Little did he know that leathery skin was what he would need to face the horrors that awaited him!&nbsp; 75.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Summoning the last vestiges of will from the demon heart, he called forth a team of British noise abatement officers to silence the techno beast.&nbsp; 76.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Screaming under the weight of red tape heaped upon it, the techno beast slunk away.&nbsp; 77.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;This is Joson,&quot; the radio crackered. &quot;You must fight the demons!&quot;&nbsp; 78.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 79.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; But all of a sudden, BANANAS EVERYWHERE&nbsp; 80.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Somehow, I don&#039;t know how, everyone around me was glowing a bright blue.&nbsp; 81.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Suddenly, Librarians everywhere, rejoicing in the banana flood.&nbsp; 82.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The words came naturally to my mouth as electricity arced through my body:&nbsp; 83.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;She was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels.&quot;&nbsp; 84.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I cracked my knuckles and ran into a parking meter.&nbsp; 85.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 86.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; But it was too late, for Dr. Martin Luther King had beaten him to it, having already raped her a week earlier.&nbsp; 87.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It was a bright, cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen.&nbsp; 88.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A dust speck lazily floated by.&nbsp; 89.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A steaming bowl of linguini and clams sat there.&nbsp; 90.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A familiar melody blared from the speakers of the abductor&#039;s automobile.&nbsp; 91.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It was at that exact moment that I realized my mother never hugged me.&nbsp; 92.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Then it struck me... I was retarded, it was the only explanation.&nbsp; 93.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 94.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ***&nbsp; 95.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp; 96.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Giovanni J. Nagato, the famed physics researcher, activated his Waveform-Modulating Burst-Spinning Quantum Storyline Superposition Unifying Devil&#039;s Machine, collapsing all conceivable disparate narrative threads into a simultaneous united whole general sort of mish mash.&nbsp; 97.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; 40 universes suddenly coalesced into one.&nbsp; 98.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; That one seemingly made of only little girls with large amounts of chocolate candy.&nbsp; 99.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Out of the mish-mash rose a shadowy shape, raising a fist to knock at the exhausted Doctor&#039;s door.&nbsp;100.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;101.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Crows dotted the eaves of the hot dog stand, still blood-stained from yesterday&#039;s siege, like Christmas lights, all flapping their wings, eventually lifting the cart into the sky.&nbsp;102.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; BUT IT TURNS OUT IT WAS ALL A DREAM!&nbsp;103.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ... or was it??????&nbsp;104.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;105.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The doctor, already in a morphine stupor, was in no condition to react to the disturbances at his door.&nbsp;106.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Little did he know, but these seemingly innocuous events would become the direct cause of Dr. Nagato&#039;s imminent death.&nbsp;107.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Too late, he noticed that the harmonics had let to a fatal buildup of wave-energy in the W-MB-SQSSUDM!&nbsp;108.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The Jamaicans moved in with trained efficiency and scooped up the doctor, moving him away from the experiment gone awry. Would he regain consciousness?&nbsp;109.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The camera panned up to signal the episode&#039;s end, as a cluster of stars inexplicably resembling the King&#039;s face simultaneously glowed, twinkled, and then winked out of existence forever.&nbsp;110.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;111.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; ***&nbsp;112.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;113.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Suddenly, a single grain of salt flying at 81% light-speed punctured through the re-enforced hull, causing the spacecraft to experience a massive implosion, killing all 93 crew members.&nbsp;114.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Thousands of armored vehicles roved the countryside looking for any sign of it.&nbsp;115.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; As the wreckage slowly expanded into a thin stream throughout the orbit, fragments occasionally knocking against each other in soundless glee, Mitch Buffem (space archeo-fuck-ulist extraordinaire) smoked in the cabin of his salvage craft.&nbsp;116.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;Hmmph,&quot; he grunted. &quot;I&#039;m no doctor, but I think there&#039;s profit to be held there.&quot;&nbsp;117.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The doctor, turning to him in the confines of their shared office aboard the salvage ship Aphrodite, said &quot;But I am, my dear Mitch.&quot;&nbsp;118.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; He was aghast, the suit of fur no longer fit over his bulbous, fleshy exterior.&nbsp;119.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; His sweatpants were full of shoplifted paperclips made of a metal that could not be identified.&nbsp;120.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; His eyes widened upon his close examination&#039;s result: he&#039;d spotted a small figure wriggling in agony, close to death, among the wreckage!&nbsp;121.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Mitch had no time to waste as he swiftly unzipped his spacesuit and started to strap himself into the rape-drive.&nbsp;122.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Eyes tearing up, Mitch&#039;s small ship pulled alongside the softly writhing body of the near-death survivor.&nbsp;123.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It was moot.&nbsp;124.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; So he reached for his pocket to get his gun.&nbsp;125.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Sadly, he then realized the pocket was in his other pair of pants.&nbsp;126.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It was at this point that he wished he had actually gone to an accredited university, and not just a diploma-mill.&nbsp;127.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;128.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; The beast had left no visible tracks, only a faint echo on the air for those with the sharpest of ears to hear.&nbsp;129.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Patrol unit #7624 slowed at a crossroads and caught a faint echo from the northbound road.&nbsp;130.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A loud crackle emitted from the radio on his belt, saying &quot;WOULD YOU KINDLY KILL HIM?&quot;&nbsp;131.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;132.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Just then, the ship&#039;s computer decided on a whim to change the life support from &quot;Earth - Temperate&quot; to &quot;Tang.&quot;&nbsp;133.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Meteors sailed past the hull... the end was near.&nbsp;134.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;All units, converge on location 17, the beast has been found.&quot;&nbsp;135.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;136.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;Unit #7624, can you read? We&#039;ve got another case of dysentery in the capitol! The queen has summoned us all for another orgy!&quot;&nbsp;137.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Unit #7624&#039;s shoulders heaved as his lungs rasped yet another sigh from his heavy frame. &quot;It&#039;s always shit and sex in this city... It&#039;s always motherfucking shit and anal rape.&quot;&nbsp;138.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Turning, his legs elongated to the point that he attained the same orbit as the small salvage craft just as its manipulator arm was about to close its grip upon the lone survivor of the horrific disastrous crash of immense impact in terms of orbital debris.&nbsp;139.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;140.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Mitch cursed softly (&quot;cock-fuckler!&quot;) as unit #7624 snatched his prey from his somewhat disassociated grasp. This would not be the first time, or the last, that these two courageous fiends would cross wills.&nbsp;141.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;142.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;I&#039;m not going to stand for this. You&#039;re going to feel more than a tinge of regret as this rape drive saps YOU for my propulsion!&quot;&nbsp;143.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; It had been almost four months since he had last met with his ex-brother, #7624.&nbsp;144.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp;&nbsp; &nbsp;145.&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &quot;#7624, advance to contact, the queen has been informed of our impending victory against the beast and has delayed the orgy.&quot;</blockquote>

[QUOTE="whatsername1180, post: 3004453, member: 220615"] 48. Feeling the strain of his efforts, the doctor retreated back to the sanctuary of his office. 49. 50. Meanwhile, Optimus Prime and Godzilla were waging war on each other in Czechoslovakia. 51. Something sinister was going down in New Zealand... 52. Jesus rose from the dead... AGAIN! 53. Little did he know Jesus leading an army of aliens with spears and anti-gravitational sandals were destroying all beings with boners. 54. But he pauses, remembers his father gave mankind free will, and decides not to announce his return. 55. Japan was destroyed by a series of titanic earthquakes that shocked the world. 56. The Korean nation rejoiced in the destruction of Japan and started a mass starcraft orgy. 57. There was no doubt about it, Africa was in the house. 58. 59. Blood leaked from a paper sack onto the floor. 60. The inside of my left nostril itched. I stared nonchalantly into my tepid cup of coffee. Today was surely the day. 61. Suddenly, stage right, entered Doctor Wind and his band of farting zombies. 62. Fuck yes, A Prairie Home Companion was on! 63. The light from the overhead fluorescent lights refracted through a three-quarters full glass of water positioned on the table within reach of his leathery hand, creating dancing bars of whiteness on the otherwise dull surface... 64. The emergency mittens had been released. 65. Returning to get the paper bag, he pulled out the still beating heart of a lesser demon king and bit down upon it. 66. It yielded to his teeth like a pulled pork sandwich. He would have to act quickly, the strength of will imparted would not last long. 67. His minions had begun to crawl towards the sacred crystal, trailing their innards across the linoleum floor. 68. The mystical sigils carved into his skin could not ward him from the evil this time; he doubled over and vomited. 69. Light shot out of his eyes, piercing the dense blackness. 70. If only his eyes had been modified to see beyond the confines of visible light, the room would have been awash with searing gamma rays, in a color which did not exist in any earthly language. 71. The radiant heat was too much to bear and his skin became leathery as he was forced to close his eyes: how could they have sent him in so ill-prepared? 72. He could swear he felt every pain receptor in his body signalling frantically, then falling silent. 73. Even if he survived the present encounter, he would be crippled and braindead in a week's time. 74. Little did he know that leathery skin was what he would need to face the horrors that awaited him! 75. Summoning the last vestiges of will from the demon heart, he called forth a team of British noise abatement officers to silence the techno beast. 76. Screaming under the weight of red tape heaped upon it, the techno beast slunk away. 77. "This is Joson," the radio crackered. "You must fight the demons!" 78. 79. But all of a sudden, BANANAS EVERYWHERE 80. Somehow, I don't know how, everyone around me was glowing a bright blue. 81. Suddenly, Librarians everywhere, rejoicing in the banana flood. 82. The words came naturally to my mouth as electricity arced through my body: 83. "She was a mink handjob in sarcophagus heels." 84. I cracked my knuckles and ran into a parking meter. 85. 86. But it was too late, for Dr. Martin Luther King had beaten him to it, having already raped her a week earlier. 87. It was a bright, cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen. 88. A dust speck lazily floated by. 89. A steaming bowl of linguini and clams sat there. 90. A familiar melody blared from the speakers of the abductor's automobile. 91. It was at that exact moment that I realized my mother never hugged me. 92. Then it struck me... I was retarded, it was the only explanation. 93. 94. *** 95. 96. Giovanni J. Nagato, the famed physics researcher, activated his Waveform-Modulating Burst-Spinning Quantum Storyline Superposition Unifying Devil's Machine, collapsing all conceivable disparate narrative threads into a simultaneous united whole general sort of mish mash. 97. 40 universes suddenly coalesced into one. 98. That one seemingly made of only little girls with large amounts of chocolate candy. 99. Out of the mish-mash rose a shadowy shape, raising a fist to knock at the exhausted Doctor's door. 100. 101. Crows dotted the eaves of the hot dog stand, still blood-stained from yesterday's siege, like Christmas lights, all flapping their wings, eventually lifting the cart into the sky. 102. BUT IT TURNS OUT IT WAS ALL A DREAM! 103. ... or was it?????? 104. 105. The doctor, already in a morphine stupor, was in no condition to react to the disturbances at his door. 106. Little did he know, but these seemingly innocuous events would become the direct cause of Dr. Nagato's imminent death. 107. Too late, he noticed that the harmonics had let to a fatal buildup of wave-energy in the W-MB-SQSSUDM! 108. The Jamaicans moved in with trained efficiency and scooped up the doctor, moving him away from the experiment gone awry. Would he regain consciousness? 109. The camera panned up to signal the episode's end, as a cluster of stars inexplicably resembling the King's face simultaneously glowed, twinkled, and then winked out of existence forever. 110. 111. *** 112. 113. Suddenly, a single grain of salt flying at 81% light-speed punctured through the re-enforced hull, causing the spacecraft to experience a massive implosion, killing all 93 crew members. 114. Thousands of armored vehicles roved the countryside looking for any sign of it. 115. As the wreckage slowly expanded into a thin stream throughout the orbit, fragments occasionally knocking against each other in soundless glee, Mitch Buffem (space archeo-fuck-ulist extraordinaire) smoked in the cabin of his salvage craft. 116. "Hmmph," he grunted. "I'm no doctor, but I think there's profit to be held there." 117. The doctor, turning to him in the confines of their shared office aboard the salvage ship Aphrodite, said "But I am, my dear Mitch." 118. He was aghast, the suit of fur no longer fit over his bulbous, fleshy exterior. 119. His sweatpants were full of shoplifted paperclips made of a metal that could not be identified. 120. His eyes widened upon his close examination's result: he'd spotted a small figure wriggling in agony, close to death, among the wreckage! 121. Mitch had no time to waste as he swiftly unzipped his spacesuit and started to strap himself into the rape-drive. 122. Eyes tearing up, Mitch's small ship pulled alongside the softly writhing body of the near-death survivor. 123. It was moot. 124. So he reached for his pocket to get his gun. 125. Sadly, he then realized the pocket was in his other pair of pants. 126. It was at this point that he wished he had actually gone to an accredited university, and not just a diploma-mill. 127. 128. The beast had left no visible tracks, only a faint echo on the air for those with the sharpest of ears to hear. 129. Patrol unit #7624 slowed at a crossroads and caught a faint echo from the northbound road. 130. A loud crackle emitted from the radio on his belt, saying "WOULD YOU KINDLY KILL HIM?" 131. 132. Just then, the ship's computer decided on a whim to change the life support from "Earth - Temperate" to "Tang." 133. Meteors sailed past the hull... the end was near. 134. "All units, converge on location 17, the beast has been found." 135. 136. "Unit #7624, can you read? We've got another case of dysentery in the capitol! The queen has summoned us all for another orgy!" 137. Unit #7624's shoulders heaved as his lungs rasped yet another sigh from his heavy frame. "It's always shit and sex in this city... It's always motherfucking shit and anal rape." 138. Turning, his legs elongated to the point that he attained the same orbit as the small salvage craft just as its manipulator arm was about to close its grip upon the lone survivor of the horrific disastrous crash of immense impact in terms of orbital debris. 139. 140. Mitch cursed softly ("cock-fuckler!") as unit #7624 snatched his prey from his somewhat disassociated grasp. This would not be the first time, or the last, that these two courageous fiends would cross wills. 141. 142. "I'm not going to stand for this. You're going to feel more than a tinge of regret as this rape drive saps YOU for my propulsion!" 143. It had been almost four months since he had last met with his ex-brother, #7624. 144. 145. "#7624, advance to contact, the queen has been informed of our impending victory against the beast and has delayed the orgy." [/QUOTE]

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