to all you out there who have a great sense of humour, i want to hear
Wallsarenotbarriers
New member
- Feb 13, 2011
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Why did the chicken cross the road
because he was not fenced properly
If a blonde and a red head are falling off a building who lands first?
The red head- the blonde has to stop and ask for directions
I do not know much about politics so I do not know if this is offincive or not, but I thought the idea was funny.
George Washington, Abriham Lincoln, Bill Carter, and Geroge Bush are on a plane. George Washington says I am going to make some one happy then throws a dollar out the window. Abriham Lincoln says I will make five people happy then throws five dollars out the window. Bill Carter says I will make 500 people happy then throws 500 dollars out the window. George Bush says I am going to make every one happy then takes Bill Carter and throws him out the window.
there were a blonde a red head and a burnett. they were going to the dessert. they could only bring one thing. the red head brought a electric fan the burnett brong water and the blonde brong a car door. so the burnett asked the blonde "why did you bring a car door?" and the blonde says "because if it gets hot i'll roll down the window"
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
How do you keep a moron in suspense? I will tell you tomorrow
How do you get rid of an annoying blonde?
Tell her to go buy a waterproof towel.
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Once more, I do not know much about politics
One day Hilary Clinton dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter starts showing her around, and then they get to the wall of clocks. He explains to her that each time somebody lies, there clock ticks ahead one space. She looks and looks for Bill Clinton's clock, but can't find it. So she finally asks St. Peter "Where is my husband's clock at?" St. Peter replies "Oh, we use that one for the ceiling fan."
What did Bob say when he had a soda thrown at his head?
"At least it was a soft drink"
because he was not fenced properly
If a blonde and a red head are falling off a building who lands first?
The red head- the blonde has to stop and ask for directions
I do not know much about politics so I do not know if this is offincive or not, but I thought the idea was funny.
George Washington, Abriham Lincoln, Bill Carter, and Geroge Bush are on a plane. George Washington says I am going to make some one happy then throws a dollar out the window. Abriham Lincoln says I will make five people happy then throws five dollars out the window. Bill Carter says I will make 500 people happy then throws 500 dollars out the window. George Bush says I am going to make every one happy then takes Bill Carter and throws him out the window.
there were a blonde a red head and a burnett. they were going to the dessert. they could only bring one thing. the red head brought a electric fan the burnett brong water and the blonde brong a car door. so the burnett asked the blonde "why did you bring a car door?" and the blonde says "because if it gets hot i'll roll down the window"
I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and noticed that everybody was staring at me....
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
How do you keep a moron in suspense? I will tell you tomorrow
How do you get rid of an annoying blonde?
Tell her to go buy a waterproof towel.
Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
A man receives a phone call from his doctor.
The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."
The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."
The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."
The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"
The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."
Once more, I do not know much about politics
One day Hilary Clinton dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter starts showing her around, and then they get to the wall of clocks. He explains to her that each time somebody lies, there clock ticks ahead one space. She looks and looks for Bill Clinton's clock, but can't find it. So she finally asks St. Peter "Where is my husband's clock at?" St. Peter replies "Oh, we use that one for the ceiling fan."
What did Bob say when he had a soda thrown at his head?
"At least it was a soft drink"
Barack Obama had to say his presidential speech behind 6 inches of bullet proof glass... A bit racist really, just because he's black dosen't mean he's going to shoot anyone.
A woman was with a blackman in a bedroom and said "Show me its true what they say about black people
" So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.
A man was sitting next to an Indian on a train, and noticed the red dot on her forehead. He sat there for a moment, and said to the peron next to him, "Is he on stand by?"
Velcro, what a rip off!
I went on a once in a lifetime cruise the other day, tell you what, never again.
3 men walked into a bar... Ouch.
So, I played the behind part of a wasp in the pantomime the other day. Tell you what, I thought I was the bees knees!
My wife, being unhappy with my moodswings, gave me a moodring to monitor my progress. It turns out quite good really. When im happy its blue, curious its green, and when im angry, theres a big red f*cking mark on her forehead.
A woman was with a blackman in a bedroom and said "Show me its true what they say about black people
" So he stabbed her and nicked her purse.A man was sitting next to an Indian on a train, and noticed the red dot on her forehead. He sat there for a moment, and said to the peron next to him, "Is he on stand by?"
Velcro, what a rip off!
I went on a once in a lifetime cruise the other day, tell you what, never again.
3 men walked into a bar... Ouch.
So, I played the behind part of a wasp in the pantomime the other day. Tell you what, I thought I was the bees knees!
My wife, being unhappy with my moodswings, gave me a moodring to monitor my progress. It turns out quite good really. When im happy its blue, curious its green, and when im angry, theres a big red f*cking mark on her forehead.
ReptileGal
New member
- Feb 13, 2011
- 1
- 0
- 1
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Another one
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"
You can stop reading now if you don't want another joke \/ \/ \/
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Another one...
Little Johnny's teacher told the class to learn some words for spelling. Little Johnny went back home and learnt three things. He learnt "mimimimimimi" from his brother trying to sing in a high pitched voice, "forks and knives" from dinner and "plug it in" from an electric plug commercial. The next day, there was a murder at the neighbour's house and the police came to interrogate. Little Johnny answered the door.
"Do you know who killed your neighbour?" one of the police officers asked.
"Mememememememe," Little Johnny said.
The police were astonished.
"How did you do it?" they asked.
"Forks and knives, forks and knives," Little Johnny said.
"Alright, you're coming with us to the electric chair," they said.
"Plug it in! Plug it in!" Little Johnny said.
And two little cellphone jokes to mail to your friends.
"You're one of the most CUTE persons in the world. Don't get me wrong,
C stands for Causing
U stands for Useless
T stands for Troubles
E stands for Everywhere"
"Three gorrillas escaped from a zoo. The first is watching television. The second is reading the newspaper. The third is reading this text message"
Hope you enjoyed!
Another one
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!"
You can stop reading now if you don't want another joke \/ \/ \/
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Another one...
Little Johnny's teacher told the class to learn some words for spelling. Little Johnny went back home and learnt three things. He learnt "mimimimimimi" from his brother trying to sing in a high pitched voice, "forks and knives" from dinner and "plug it in" from an electric plug commercial. The next day, there was a murder at the neighbour's house and the police came to interrogate. Little Johnny answered the door.
"Do you know who killed your neighbour?" one of the police officers asked.
"Mememememememe," Little Johnny said.
The police were astonished.
"How did you do it?" they asked.
"Forks and knives, forks and knives," Little Johnny said.
"Alright, you're coming with us to the electric chair," they said.
"Plug it in! Plug it in!" Little Johnny said.
And two little cellphone jokes to mail to your friends.
"You're one of the most CUTE persons in the world. Don't get me wrong,
C stands for Causing
U stands for Useless
T stands for Troubles
E stands for Everywhere"
"Three gorrillas escaped from a zoo. The first is watching television. The second is reading the newspaper. The third is reading this text message"
Hope you enjoyed!
When i was younger me and my cousin would sneak out of our houses, meet up at a pre destined place change our clothes, and head out clubbing . Only this night we were running late and we ran to catch the last bus we got to the bus stop and spotted the bus coming, only it was not ours so i stopped it anyway and asked the driver had we missed ours? he was smiling from ear to ear and winking at me , so i immediately thought damn i must look really good, I turned round to look at the passengers and thought what a happy bunch they were all smiling away again I thought I must look good thanked the bus driver and took a step off the bus only to glance down and see my left boob bobbing about ,I was wearing a boob tube dress and whilst running for the bus it must have popped out. True story by the way did not take a bus again for about 6 months and never wore another boob tube again.
ElijahJones
New member
- Feb 13, 2011
- 1
- 0
- 1
0-_-0 go to http://www.youtube.com/user/itskingsleybitch?blend=1&ob=4
Some friends and I were talking about whatever crossed our minds when we got on the subject of religion. The conversation completely turned around and started getting serious and philosophical because we all believed different things. After about ten minuets of this one of my Mexican friends turns to me and says, "Well do you believe in aliens?" Without missing a beat I respond with "Of course, that's why we built the fence."
Little Tommy is attending a horse auction with his father. He watched as his father moved from horse to horse, running his hands up and down the horse's legs, rump and chest. After a few minutes of watching, Tommy asked his father: "Dad, why are you doing that?" His father replied: "Because when I'm buying horses I have to make sure that they are healthy and in good shape before I buy them." Tommy gets a worried look on his face and says to his dad: "Dad, I think the Fedex guy wants to buy mom."
The other day i was taking a test in my Honors Algebra II, and i had no clue what the answer to the question was, so i wrote, "I don't know, but I'll make a deal with you, if you give me a 100 on this test, then I'll give you the serum to the poison i put in your breakfast this morning, if not, I will go to your house and feed your dog."