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<blockquote data-quote="ReptileGal" data-source="post: 2497720" data-attributes="member: 854755">Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn&#039;t seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, &quot;My friend is dead! What can I do?&quot;. The operator says &quot;Calm down. I can help. First, let&#039;s make sure he&#039;s dead.&quot; There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says &quot;OK, now what?&quot;Another oneSherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. &quot;Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.&quot; &quot;I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes&quot; exclaims Watson. &quot;And what do you deduce from that?&quot; Watson ponders for a minute. &quot;Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?&quot; &quot;Watson, you idiot!&quot; he exclaims, &quot;Somebody&#039;s stolen our tent!&quot;You can stop reading now if you don&#039;t want another joke \/ \/ \/A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: &quot;That&#039;s the ugliest baby that I&#039;ve ever seen. Ugh!&quot; The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: &quot;The driver just insulted me!&quot; The man says: &quot;You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I&#039;ll hold your monkey for you.&quot;Another one...Little Johnny&#039;s teacher told the class to learn some words for spelling. Little Johnny went back home and learnt three things. He learnt &quot;mimimimimimi&quot; from his brother trying to sing in a high pitched voice, &quot;forks and knives&quot; from dinner and &quot;plug it in&quot; from an electric plug commercial. The next day, there was a murder at the neighbour&#039;s house and the police came to interrogate. Little Johnny answered the door.&quot;Do you know who killed your neighbour?&quot; one of the police officers asked.&quot;Mememememememe,&quot; Little Johnny said.The police were astonished.&quot;How did you do it?&quot; they asked.&quot;Forks and knives, forks and knives,&quot; Little Johnny said.&quot;Alright, you&#039;re coming with us to the electric chair,&quot; they said.&quot;Plug it in! Plug it in!&quot; Little Johnny said.And two little cellphone jokes to mail to your friends.&quot;You&#039;re one of the most CUTE persons in the world. Don&#039;t get me wrong, C stands for CausingU stands for UselessT stands for TroublesE stands for Everywhere&quot;&quot;Three gorrillas escaped from a zoo. The first is watching television. The second is reading the newspaper. The third is reading this text message&quot;Hope you enjoyed!</blockquote>

[QUOTE="ReptileGal, post: 2497720, member: 854755"] Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?" Another one Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" he exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent!" You can stop reading now if you don't want another joke \/ \/ \/ A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you." Another one... Little Johnny's teacher told the class to learn some words for spelling. Little Johnny went back home and learnt three things. He learnt "mimimimimimi" from his brother trying to sing in a high pitched voice, "forks and knives" from dinner and "plug it in" from an electric plug commercial. The next day, there was a murder at the neighbour's house and the police came to interrogate. Little Johnny answered the door. "Do you know who killed your neighbour?" one of the police officers asked. "Mememememememe," Little Johnny said. The police were astonished. "How did you do it?" they asked. "Forks and knives, forks and knives," Little Johnny said. "Alright, you're coming with us to the electric chair," they said. "Plug it in! Plug it in!" Little Johnny said. And two little cellphone jokes to mail to your friends. "You're one of the most CUTE persons in the world. Don't get me wrong, C stands for Causing U stands for Useless T stands for Troubles E stands for Everywhere" "Three gorrillas escaped from a zoo. The first is watching television. The second is reading the newspaper. The third is reading this text message" Hope you enjoyed! [/QUOTE]

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