trying to ferber I caved and picked up baby...?

[daboss1016]

ive been trying to ferber my daughter, and have been doing so for almost a week now. well tonight i totally caved and picked her up after 1 hour 15 mins of crying, i just couldn't take it anymore. am i totally back to square one here? can i pick up where i left off tomorrow night or will it be like the first night all over again?
i went in and checked on her every ten minutes and kissed her and told her it was ok and then left again. she wasnt alone for an hour and ahalf straight. but non the less it was horrible, im starting to think its not working and dont know what to do, it is so difficult to get her to go to sleep. even when i hold her and rock her in my arms while swaddled soemtimes still she wont go to sleep and i will be there rocking her in my arms for over an hour.

 

[DMG]

I think it sounds like Ferber isn't working for you. One hour 15 of crying is a LOT of crying. Anyone would "cave". I think you need to re-evaluate your approach. I have used some controlled crying, but never for that long. In my experience, it is better to solve sleep problems in every other possible way before using controlled crying. Then you are using it just to solve one small realistic goal instead of the whole "sleep through the night" thing. Have you read "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child"?

 

[rainwriterm]

Way to go mom! You let your natural mommy instincts kick in and took care of your daughter. That is something you can be proud of, not frustrated about. You can also be happy that you have a little girl who trusts in you so strongly and who isn't willing to give up on you so quickly. She held out hope that you would take care of her, and you did. Way to go!

Any time you try to exert your control over your daughter's psychological needs, you are going to be in for a long struggle, regardless of whether you follow the rules or not. Most sleep training experts will tell you that any break from the standard will usually result in needing to start back over again. Most babies would tell you that the break from the training actually shows them that you are going to take care of them and that it actually helps them sleep better.

I wonder, though, why you are content listening to an hour and 15 minutes of constant crying and of going in to pretend to comfort her every (15? 20? 30?) minutes rather than spending just 10-15 minutes snuggling her down at the beginning of the night and being done with it. It is admirable that you want to teach her how to sleep on her own, but you actually have to *teach* her, not throw her into the pool, check on her every 15 minutes, and hope she figures out how to swim.

Edit: Yeah, sleep training is awful. The thing about teaching them how to sleep on their own is that you really have to *teach* them. Babies who don't respond well to sleep training typically need Mom right there next to them guiding them through the steps of falling asleep.

I wonder, since you already have to take such a long time to get her down when you're holding and rocking her, if you're either trying to get her to sleep too early or too late. If she just isn't tired yet, it will take a while. If she is too tired, she's going to really struggle to fall asleep because she's so sleepy that she can't sleep. If you can get the "putting her to sleep" part right around when her eyes are starting to get droopy, when she yawns a bit, and starts to get a little cranky, you might be more successful than if you try too early, or wait until she is crying from sleepiness.

 

[silverxeno]

Without knowing the age of your child, it's hard to say how to help this. But for a child under a year or so...15-20 minutes of crying is enough.

 

[frogfairy]

I'm glad your instinct kicked in! To hear your baby crying endlessly for a week now has to be even more exhausting than actually putting her to bed by rocking and cuddles. I understand the need for parents to get their babies on a sleep schedule or to learn to self soothe, but they are babies and depend on us for a reason and I just don't understand how logical it is to just let them cry and cry. I would look into other methods, read some info from Dr. Sears, or Elizabeth Pantley (The No Cry Sleep Solution). I know us moms need our sleep, and it is wonderful to have your baby sleep through the night, but they are little for only so long- don't forget that!

 

[frogfairy]

I'm glad your instinct kicked in! To hear your baby crying endlessly for a week now has to be even more exhausting than actually putting her to bed by rocking and cuddles. I understand the need for parents to get their babies on a sleep schedule or to learn to self soothe, but they are babies and depend on us for a reason and I just don't understand how logical it is to just let them cry and cry. I would look into other methods, read some info from Dr. Sears, or Elizabeth Pantley (The No Cry Sleep Solution). I know us moms need our sleep, and it is wonderful to have your baby sleep through the night, but they are little for only so long- don't forget that!

 

[newlypreg]

Stop ferbering. It's cruel! When your daughter is a teenager and dealing with depression and substance abuse you'll have Mr. Ferber to thank. Pick up your baby and love her!