VanillaBear1
New member
- Jun 21, 2010
- 7
- 0
- 1
Part 1: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aiu1z74IyPUfY2zwjdSQSRfsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20100812192634AApCmwp
This is an extremely rough first draft, so it's going to be horrible. It is probably littered with mistakes I didn't notice (I did read this over two times beforehand, but I can't spot every tiny mistake). I'm not very happy with this right now, but I just need more opinions on it.
~
Her word stung me like the time I burnt my hand with an iron during the sewing class my mom made me take. For a moment, I didn't know how to react, but then I knew. If I ever had to see his face again, it would most likely end with me beating the shit out of him and walking away before the cops got involved, the classic. You could never go wrong with violence in my mind, considering it was how I made it through school.
But something was missing from her story. "And?"
"I talked to him."
I ran my hand through my hair and tried to hide the trembling. "Why the hell would you talk to him?"
"I-I didn't! He came over to me while I was at Starbucks and kept pestering my to say something, anything, to him...and, I cracked."
"What do you mean by cracked?" I put air quotes around the word for emphasis.
"I told him about the wedding, okay!"
Oh dear Lord.
"Why would you tell him about the wedding?" Dad was the last person in the world she should have been discussing it with. I mean, out of everyone, why would she choose him? If she wanted to talk about it that badly, I'm sure there was a prostitute or some stoner out on the corner of the street to discuss what flowers to order and what color the ushers should wear.
"I-I don't know! He was being so nice and...something just overcame me. I haven't seen him in years and I felt he should know how I was doing and that I had found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." She's not going to want to spend the rest of her life with David once she catches him having sex with someone else in her bed.
"You felt he should know how you're doing? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? Dad never give a s*** about your life and he never will."
"I think you're being a bit unreasonable."
"Oh, I'm being unreasonable. I think talking to Dad when you know how we all feel is unreasonable. And if I recall correctly, you grew up in the same house I did, so you should feel the same way too." But Dad and Abby were always close when we were younger, probably because she was his only daughter. He was never as hard on her as he was on Chris and I and that always pissed me off. In true, I also kind of envied it. I mean, Dad was so far up my a** that I could taste his shaving cream.
*
Any type of criticism is fine and okay with me, as long as it is constructive and helpful. Be as harsh as you want, I can handle it (I promise).
Y!A bleeped out the curse words, not me.
Thanks! I really appreciate it!
This is an extremely rough first draft, so it's going to be horrible. It is probably littered with mistakes I didn't notice (I did read this over two times beforehand, but I can't spot every tiny mistake). I'm not very happy with this right now, but I just need more opinions on it.
~
Her word stung me like the time I burnt my hand with an iron during the sewing class my mom made me take. For a moment, I didn't know how to react, but then I knew. If I ever had to see his face again, it would most likely end with me beating the shit out of him and walking away before the cops got involved, the classic. You could never go wrong with violence in my mind, considering it was how I made it through school.
But something was missing from her story. "And?"
"I talked to him."
I ran my hand through my hair and tried to hide the trembling. "Why the hell would you talk to him?"
"I-I didn't! He came over to me while I was at Starbucks and kept pestering my to say something, anything, to him...and, I cracked."
"What do you mean by cracked?" I put air quotes around the word for emphasis.
"I told him about the wedding, okay!"
Oh dear Lord.
"Why would you tell him about the wedding?" Dad was the last person in the world she should have been discussing it with. I mean, out of everyone, why would she choose him? If she wanted to talk about it that badly, I'm sure there was a prostitute or some stoner out on the corner of the street to discuss what flowers to order and what color the ushers should wear.
"I-I don't know! He was being so nice and...something just overcame me. I haven't seen him in years and I felt he should know how I was doing and that I had found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with." She's not going to want to spend the rest of her life with David once she catches him having sex with someone else in her bed.
"You felt he should know how you're doing? Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds? Dad never give a s*** about your life and he never will."
"I think you're being a bit unreasonable."
"Oh, I'm being unreasonable. I think talking to Dad when you know how we all feel is unreasonable. And if I recall correctly, you grew up in the same house I did, so you should feel the same way too." But Dad and Abby were always close when we were younger, probably because she was his only daughter. He was never as hard on her as he was on Chris and I and that always pissed me off. In true, I also kind of envied it. I mean, Dad was so far up my a** that I could taste his shaving cream.
*
Any type of criticism is fine and okay with me, as long as it is constructive and helpful. Be as harsh as you want, I can handle it (I promise).
Y!A bleeped out the curse words, not me.
Thanks! I really appreciate it!