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<blockquote data-quote="Sahara1" data-source="post: 1686430" data-attributes="member: 212328">Letting the kids figure things out for themselves - being mostly hands off. Is this good? Because what I see - I think it can go too much. I&#039;m the one to tell my 10 year old step son to wash his hands. I ask if he&#039;s had a shower. My 14 year old step daughter does not brush her teeth. Isn&#039;t that disgusting?&nbsp; Is this a good way to parent - to get kids to be on their own or is this really lazy parenting?I realize at some point - parents have to back off. But when and by how much?I just want what is best for my step kids and to let them know that I do care about them.What I see - seems to border on neglect but I&#039;m hardly an expert. It just seems like parents should guide their kids - to a point. Little reminders. Hey - did you wash your hands? (that&#039;s what I ask) Did you brush your teeth? It seems like my step kids would not wash their hands or brush their teeth if I did not ask. Is this normal?Phew - it&#039;s nice to know that I&#039;m not the one off base here. I&#039;m very hands on but I back off because my husband is more hands off. If my step son can&#039;t find something - he won&#039;t help him look for it - usually - but I will. Of course my step son just stares at me. I tell him - you have to help me - I&#039;m showing you what you need to do - he&#039;s not doing anything - just staring. (video game - shoe - whatever)Ok. Good to hear because I am in the minority. Does it being a strongly blue collar area have anything to do with it? I grew up in an affluent area where parents were very involved.I see it as kids aren&#039;t born knowing what to do. Give guidance - let them make mistakes - help them learn from it.Their mom is an unfit mother. She is hardly there - that&#039;s what I&#039;m hearing now. Other moms that do not have a hands off approach have said that to me.I think she is depressed. She showers and does her hair. She gets her nails done. All she does is watch tv and get on the computer. That&#039;s it. No hobbies. She is in counseling or so I heard. But I met with her counselor - bad news - counselor says that she agrees with her mom. (My heart sank when she said that.) Her mom is a phoney. (narcissistic)</blockquote>

[QUOTE="Sahara1, post: 1686430, member: 212328"] Letting the kids figure things out for themselves - being mostly hands off. Is this good? Because what I see - I think it can go too much. I'm the one to tell my 10 year old step son to wash his hands. I ask if he's had a shower. My 14 year old step daughter does not brush her teeth. Isn't that disgusting? Is this a good way to parent - to get kids to be on their own or is this really lazy parenting? I realize at some point - parents have to back off. But when and by how much? I just want what is best for my step kids and to let them know that I do care about them. What I see - seems to border on neglect but I'm hardly an expert. It just seems like parents should guide their kids - to a point. Little reminders. Hey - did you wash your hands? (that's what I ask) Did you brush your teeth? It seems like my step kids would not wash their hands or brush their teeth if I did not ask. Is this normal? Phew - it's nice to know that I'm not the one off base here. I'm very hands on but I back off because my husband is more hands off. If my step son can't find something - he won't help him look for it - usually - but I will. Of course my step son just stares at me. I tell him - you have to help me - I'm showing you what you need to do - he's not doing anything - just staring. (video game - shoe - whatever) Ok. Good to hear because I am in the minority. Does it being a strongly blue collar area have anything to do with it? I grew up in an affluent area where parents were very involved. I see it as kids aren't born knowing what to do. Give guidance - let them make mistakes - help them learn from it. Their mom is an unfit mother. She is hardly there - that's what I'm hearing now. Other moms that do not have a hands off approach have said that to me. I think she is depressed. She showers and does her hair. She gets her nails done. All she does is watch tv and get on the computer. That's it. No hobbies. She is in counseling or so I heard. But I met with her counselor - bad news - counselor says that she agrees with her mom. (My heart sank when she said that.) Her mom is a phoney. (narcissistic) [/QUOTE]

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