When you first meet someone should the attraction be instant or does it take time?

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Torn

New member
My friend recently set me up with someone she knows. He is really nice and actually wants to get to know me. The problem is that I'm not attracted to him. If his personality was on someone I found attractive things would be great bc he is just a nice guy but I cant seem to get into him bc I feel like the kiss would be forced. Also I'm not over someone I recently dated bc he had all the qualities I like and was my type yet really never tried to get to know me. It's obvious he just wanted sex bc he asked a Few times and I kept saying no. Makes me super sad bc I still think about him and things would be perfect if the guy I met now was him. Will I like this new guy? He also seems very clingy and compliments me a lot and its hard to be happy when I'm not sure how I feel...
 
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eliza

Member
Personally, i think attraction can happen both ways: instantaneous and over time. i would say that you shouldn't turn this 'new' guy down just yet. make it clear that you find him interesting/intriguing and would like to be friends.... with an emphasis on the 'friends' aspect. don't feel obliged to lead him on. relationships are a bilateral thing. just because you choose to 'go out' with him doesn't mean you have to kiss him at the end of the night.

if you want to establish clear boundaries, how about choosing to go with him AND a bunch of other friends (eg. something simple like a picnic or general dinner outting). that way, you have the option to break away from the group and 'get to know him' and then join the group again if he gets too personal.

overall, my advice is definitely not to shut him out altogether. take it slow and see if things happen.... but if they don't, you haven't led him on. good luck :)
 
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