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Message: <blockquote data-quote="RichardRodriguez" data-source="post: 2368564" data-attributes="member: 817408">My father just said to me that I need to learn four words: thank you and I'm sorry. I'm wondering if he has a point. I acknowledge that I owe a lot to my parents and rely on them for a lot. If it were up to me, I would choose not to rely on them at all and go my own way, but I am financially dependent on them for at least another 4 years of college and maybe graduate school. The problem is that while I recognize that I owe them gratitude, I don't feel the least bit grateful to them. I also do not feel when I offend them any remorse. In short, I haven't any innate sense of filial affection. I'm not a sociopath, though. I feel a sense of commitment to my friends, other family members (I'm an only child, by the way), and other adults in the community upon whom I rely. My interactions with my parents have been volatile. Earlier this year I punched my dad in the face when he attempted to grab me by the shirt. He apologized the next day, but he continues to threaten me with violence on a regular basis for being "disrespectful." I can't help but raise my voice and get defensive when I'm being constantly yelled at and cursed at over the smallest infraction. I'm ordered around constantly to do things with no obvious utility and yet am told all the time that I "do nothing around here." True, I do not do nearly as much for my household as my father did when he was my age, taking care of 4 siblings and an alcoholic mother, but nor should I! I am extremely busy all the time with schoolwork and activities because I am trying to attend an elite college. My parents get angry when I don't want to be bothered when I'm working. I'm supposed to feel guilty about any number of things and to tolerate whatever insults are thought up. Today, for instance, my father screamed at me for half an hour about giving him my personal statement for college. I refused because I wanted to give him a better version of it later today, as I explained. He proceeded to go on the computer and try to find it against my will. I told him his yelling had made the dog shiver, so he berated me for not taking care of it. I said "Oh, please." He replies with something to the effect of "What, you don't want to hear the truth?" His insults always have the force of contempt and sound like the kind issued to a stranger in a bar preceding a fight.My mother is also a victim of his belligerence and always tells me not to be like him in that regard. She is less subject to his control as a spouse and main breadwinner. My mother has a very limited worldview in some respects, as she operates on the preconventional to conventional spectrum of thinking. Basically she justifies her thoughts and opinions on various things by what she wants or other people think. For example, I had to work strenuously to convince her that I should be able to pick which photo I wanted as my senior photo in the yearbook because I am the one who will look back on that picture for the rest of my life. She is in large part impervious to reason. Furthermore she has a habit of compromising my independence on fairly ridiculous issues. Nevertheless, she is well intentioned. She often gets angry at me for speaking to her disrespectfully and contemptuously  and justifiably so. My father does as well, but I feel a hardwired disdain for her borne out of my father's reinforcement throughout my life. I resent the authoritarian style of my upbringing and that I was and continue to be reprimanded for doing the very things that were instilled in me, such things as disrespecting my mother, neglecting the efforts of family members, and becoming violent. I have punched five people in the face in the past year and a half, which concerns me because every time I've impulsively resorted to violence I am jeopardizing everything I've worked hard for all my life. I don't think my deterministic, helpless view of my situation is probably very constructive, but at this point I don't know if its worth trying to change anything. I just want to get away from these destructive influences and start anew. I'm not sure I will ever be able to claim the emotional stability and self confidence I see in those of my peers who seem most destined for success.Do you have any suggestions, criticisms, or thoughts on what I should do?</blockquote>

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