okay im very stubborn. quit. and keep to myself. i hold my emotions in. well the sad ones mostly. i dont like it for anyone to see me cry. i dont like getting sympathy. it makes me feel pathetic and like a loser. i hate crying in front of anyone. im very stubborn. and i like to stay mad to get my point across when arguing. but when i cry. i hate it because im not mad and winning anymore im crying and they just feel bad for me and are being nice. its stupid. i hold it in. and i dont look them in the eye. i try to forget whats going on and i mess with things just to avid crying. i do all that. but when i cant take it anymore it comes out. and i feel so worthless. i really do not like crying when im arguing i cried today when arguing with my parents. i cried silently first. which is what i normally do, when im trying not to cry. and i just keep wiping away my tears even though they are flooding out. but then when we had a talk again i just let it all out. i was tired of holding it in. and ending up crying and screaming at the same time. which sounds really stupid. why cant i simply do what im telling myself not to do inside my brain? it confuses me. i dont want to cry. and when im crying i cant stop. even though inside im telling myself to. its wierd. i guess it really didnt help out that i started my period today as well. uh! crying. i hate it! i hate holding it in too. because i get this big lump in my throat and i cant breathe.