So I and my fiance have been engaged for the past year. In the beginning it was really nice and smooth and we got really well. We found chemistry, compatibility, and pretty much everything in each other. We would talk for hours and not get bored. But as the time passed, it slowly began to unfold that we are not so much alike after all. Him and I are both from Pakistan and we are currently living in the U.S. After 4-5 months of being engaged, we started getting in to fights. Since I knew him before getting engaged to him, it was a shocker for us both that how much an official commitment change the friendship we had when we were singles. So long story short, we started to discover all kind of differences that we have and started getting in to fights pretty often. I would say we fight once or sometimes twice a week.
So here is the real issue: When we fight, it is usually an argument kind of fight where I and him are both trying to prove our points. But very often it turns a bit harsh and nasty towards the end. I wont say we 'shout' at each other. But more like we fight with each other in a higher voice tone. When he highers his tone over me, I do it too. When I higher my tone on him, he highers his too. And then its like we are both on each other angry like something.
And after we are done fighting, he ALWAYS says that I am disrespectful. I ask him what exactly did i do to be disrespectful? He says, "when you fight you really try to get in to a competition with me. You make sure that you are not left behind and therefore try to get to my face in order to prove your point. And thats disrespectful"....so then I say to him that isnt that how everyone fights when they are super angry? I am not being disrespectful at all neither do I intend to. I am just angry and fighting back. Why is that so disrespectful?
So people, what do you say? Where am I wrong? Where do I need to change? whats wrong in highering my voice over him when he is highering his over me? I admit that we are both short tempered. But how is what I do disrespectful? Isnt he doing the same thing as me?
Yah Allah, you guys please stop with the clones already. Just try and advice me here a bit. I need it
So here is the real issue: When we fight, it is usually an argument kind of fight where I and him are both trying to prove our points. But very often it turns a bit harsh and nasty towards the end. I wont say we 'shout' at each other. But more like we fight with each other in a higher voice tone. When he highers his tone over me, I do it too. When I higher my tone on him, he highers his too. And then its like we are both on each other angry like something.
And after we are done fighting, he ALWAYS says that I am disrespectful. I ask him what exactly did i do to be disrespectful? He says, "when you fight you really try to get in to a competition with me. You make sure that you are not left behind and therefore try to get to my face in order to prove your point. And thats disrespectful"....so then I say to him that isnt that how everyone fights when they are super angry? I am not being disrespectful at all neither do I intend to. I am just angry and fighting back. Why is that so disrespectful?
So people, what do you say? Where am I wrong? Where do I need to change? whats wrong in highering my voice over him when he is highering his over me? I admit that we are both short tempered. But how is what I do disrespectful? Isnt he doing the same thing as me?
Yah Allah, you guys please stop with the clones already. Just try and advice me here a bit. I need it