Recently I have been preoccupied with a remark made to me by a psychiatrist two years ago (you know, the hack shrink of the "How does that make you feel?" school of psychiatry.) He accused me of "having" Asperger Syndrome (a diagnosis du jour, of course) for rather flimsy reasons, such as that I am quite shy, reserved, introverted, intelligent, highly self-critical and have low self-esteem, and of course, not to mention the big red flag - 22 and never had a relationship. I was never part of the in-crowd growing up, though I always did have at least a couple of friends. Like many mildly geeky people, I am quite smart but a bit socially naive and immature, young looking for my age which is probably related somehow. I don't think I have any clinical level of deficit in social skills, I have always been able to make friends though it is not my strong suit and I usually just keep a couple of close friends. I always knew how to spontaneously play as a child, and never was shunned for being weird or have "one-person birthday parties" as I hear Asperger's people often do as children. I was never especially egocentric or had trouble empathizing with others. I do not, and have never, lectured people on any of my hobbies and readily realize when someone is bored - I am very self-conscious and tend to interpret people as being derogatory toward me, far from the cluelessness of Asperger's. I don't think any of my solitary pursuits are abnormal in intensity or focus. I have no "symptoms" of Asperger's beyond these social issues, such as sensory sensitivity or stimming. I kind of have a rigid personality and see things as all or nothing, which may or may not be significant.
When my mom heard the psychiatrist's "opinion", she vehemently disagreed and got him to back off (my mom is a social worker who works with children, so she knows what real Asperger's is.) There was never any formal, extensive diagnosis like what I've read about, only an "armchair diagnosis" after a few 35-40 minute sessions in which he would nod his head, almost doze off, and write a prescription and $200 bill at the end. I was seeing him for depression and feeling in a rut, and when my mom called him one time and told him that my father had committed suicide many years ago (though she had never told me at the time, trying to shield me), the shrink blew this piece of information off, which makes me think he was a quack. I also think that growing up in a single-parent household in an upper-middle class suburban community also added to my sense of alienation from my peers.
So my question is - who should I trust, my mom, who knows me well and knows what Asperger's is, or the psychiatrist who sounds like he was just lobbing a popular label at me for being a shy, insecure, somewhat naive introvert? My biggest fear at this point in my life (I'm 25) and reason I'm so worried about potentially having this disorder is that I am terrified that I will never find a girlfriend. I have only dated casually twice and both times blown off into the "friend zone" - the last time I got to the third date, made a move, and that was it. I'm not so sure it was that I misinterpreted her cues but rather I chose to act on mixed signals because I was so desperate. I honestly never even found her attractive, I kind of had an "open door" policy for anyone who would take me. I remember telling my mom that I didn't really get a strong feeling that she was serious about this, and I went against my gut and got it wrong.
I think people perceive me as an insecure wuss more than the unintentionally rude and inappropriate weirdo that Asperger's people often come across as. I don't think I'm so much oblivious to nonverbal cues and body language so much as I totally lack confidence in myself. I am in a rut and can't really figure a way out. I may not be super socially skilled, but I am not socially inept either, just very shy and introverted.
Also, for what it's worth, my personality type is INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and I have read that males with Asperger's typically test as INTJ. If I had to pick a disorder out of the DSM-IV that seems to fit me, it would probably be Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I have read is not uncommon in people with my personality type. It's not so much that I'm oblivious to social rules and rituals but that my social skills might be a bit behind due to my withdrawing and timid nature...I never got a chance to learn them like everyone else. It's more that I tend to overanalyze my interactions with people rather than cluelessly committing faux pas. I think my father was probably similarly tortured by these fears, and based on something my mother said he seemed to be somewhat insecure with initiating intimate relationships as well.
When my mom heard the psychiatrist's "opinion", she vehemently disagreed and got him to back off (my mom is a social worker who works with children, so she knows what real Asperger's is.) There was never any formal, extensive diagnosis like what I've read about, only an "armchair diagnosis" after a few 35-40 minute sessions in which he would nod his head, almost doze off, and write a prescription and $200 bill at the end. I was seeing him for depression and feeling in a rut, and when my mom called him one time and told him that my father had committed suicide many years ago (though she had never told me at the time, trying to shield me), the shrink blew this piece of information off, which makes me think he was a quack. I also think that growing up in a single-parent household in an upper-middle class suburban community also added to my sense of alienation from my peers.
So my question is - who should I trust, my mom, who knows me well and knows what Asperger's is, or the psychiatrist who sounds like he was just lobbing a popular label at me for being a shy, insecure, somewhat naive introvert? My biggest fear at this point in my life (I'm 25) and reason I'm so worried about potentially having this disorder is that I am terrified that I will never find a girlfriend. I have only dated casually twice and both times blown off into the "friend zone" - the last time I got to the third date, made a move, and that was it. I'm not so sure it was that I misinterpreted her cues but rather I chose to act on mixed signals because I was so desperate. I honestly never even found her attractive, I kind of had an "open door" policy for anyone who would take me. I remember telling my mom that I didn't really get a strong feeling that she was serious about this, and I went against my gut and got it wrong.
I think people perceive me as an insecure wuss more than the unintentionally rude and inappropriate weirdo that Asperger's people often come across as. I don't think I'm so much oblivious to nonverbal cues and body language so much as I totally lack confidence in myself. I am in a rut and can't really figure a way out. I may not be super socially skilled, but I am not socially inept either, just very shy and introverted.
Also, for what it's worth, my personality type is INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, and I have read that males with Asperger's typically test as INTJ. If I had to pick a disorder out of the DSM-IV that seems to fit me, it would probably be Avoidant Personality Disorder, which I have read is not uncommon in people with my personality type. It's not so much that I'm oblivious to social rules and rituals but that my social skills might be a bit behind due to my withdrawing and timid nature...I never got a chance to learn them like everyone else. It's more that I tend to overanalyze my interactions with people rather than cluelessly committing faux pas. I think my father was probably similarly tortured by these fears, and based on something my mother said he seemed to be somewhat insecure with initiating intimate relationships as well.