A friend of mine is going through a hard time realizing or accepting her...

[tTochtlit]

...sexuality. She is now depressed.? She doesn't know what to do. I have never seen her so confused she remembers as a kid liking girls herself and in high school never wanted to go out with boys and when she did it wasn't so great. Problem is that she likes a girl now but they don't really connect. Anyways and she feels attracted to boys also. It's really hard for her to actually like someone and when she does she sees no distinction between male or female.

She just feels bad being perceived as bisexual because many people think that it's worse than being gay because they see it as just you liking sex from anything when in reality she is the most calmest, honest moral/ethical woman I have ever known.

I told her to not go by names such as gay bi or whatever, that she feels what she feels and there is nothing wrong with it because she is honest. To just live.

Yet her confusion remains...all she knows is what she feels.

She thinks that maybe she might be a lesbian but subconsciously is trying to avoid it by forcing herself to like guys although she has fallen in love with one. What does this sound like? What should she do? I am trying to help her as best as I can.
Being gay is against who's god? The same Christian god that wipes out women and children time and time again in the bible. She doesn't care for those types of gods. she only knows good

 

[ayana]

tell her to erase attraction to girls from her mind. its not that hard. or tell her to go to A Social worker or something. gayness, bisexuallness or whatever is just very wrong. She sure as hell should NOT embrace it. She should get rid of it. i think she just is either goinbg through a phase, or has a mental problem. Help keep her on track.

 

[TournyK]

Just try to be a support for her as much as you can. Show her that liking a girl/boy is not wrong. I think that's all I can say right now.

 

[$he_kN0W$_b3$t_18]

just be there for her....
she can try as hard as ever to like guys but if she cant do then she cant do...
to each his own !!

 

[mickey]

Stage 1 depression- just stand by her through this time eventually she will accept every one has this down time she just needs someone to relate to they way she is feeling

 

[Emmasj]

She sounds pansexual to me, but who knows? If she is bisexual, she should embrace it. Don't let the stereotypes and rumors run her off. Most of us are great people. And we need more nice people to be openly bisexual, to help get rid of those stereotypes.

 

[ryanemegan@rocketmailecom]

I think this is her time to figure out who she is. Its a very hard time. I think she should stop worrying about what she is attracted to, just live your life and when you start to have feelings for someone then go about it then. Don't force your self to try anything. Just let it happen. Thats how I realized I was a lesbian, even though I already had it in the back of my mind. Hell, if she is bisexual, then I just wouldn't go by labels.

Personally, now this is just my opinion, when i was starting to date my girlfriend I though I was bisexual, but as time went on I realized that I wasn't attracted to men like I was to woman (it was just how I was raised to like men). To me, I think that being bisexual is the road to becoming gay. But once again thats just my opinion.

But if that were the case with your friend, only time will tell.


PS what Ayana wrote is messed up. I cannot even beleive people think its a "mental illness" I could just freak on anyone that says that. You can't lead her to a certain way, you can only be there for her and accept whatever comes.

 

[t~@~t]

You did the right thing. There in no need to put a name on it. She just needs to be true to herself. Love is love, you can't change that whether it's for a man or a woman.

 

[takaminegirl]

I could really relate a lot especially to the last paragraph you wrote. I think if you really are a lesbian and force yourself to be with a guy, this will push you further in knowing what you want. The first step is always denial, but I find the more you deny the more stronger the feelings are that you try to hide. Its really self-discovery, trial and error. You will just have to let your friend figure things out on her own, like I am doing right now. Its nice that she has a friend like you to support her. Happiness is key.

 

[WACVET75]

I get so sick of people making other people feel bad about themselves for any reason. If she's bi or lesbian it should not matter to anyone but the people she is involved with. She should be able to talk to her friends and family when there is a problem and have someone to listen. I think that person must be you because only a good friend would take the time to write and ask for opinions and help for your friend. As far a God, he doesn't make mistakes, sometimes we're a little confused and it takes a few years to come to grips about our lives, but that's true for everyone. You tell your friend to listen to her heart and that you will be there for her to talk to when she needs it and for her to quit worrying about the idiots that have nothing good to say about any one they are just unhappy themselves, Remember misery loves company and they will try to pull you down to their level of misery.

 

[takaminegirl]

I could really relate a lot especially to the last paragraph you wrote. I think if you really are a lesbian and force yourself to be with a guy, this will push you further in knowing what you want. The first step is always denial, but I find the more you deny the more stronger the feelings are that you try to hide. Its really self-discovery, trial and error. You will just have to let your friend figure things out on her own, like I am doing right now. Its nice that she has a friend like you to support her. Happiness is key.

 

[psycho247_2000]

you were right by telling her not to go by any names. you need to be doing is what you are already doing. try to remind her that she shouldn't worried about what is going on. that it's going to take time. that she needs to embrace the feelings that she is going through. people have crushes on people, but they my never connect. i know that story all to well. she gonna met someone that she connects with on the level that she is looking for. whether it be male, female, or whatever she finds herself attracted to. it gonna time some time. she needs to work on herself. get herself to that point we she can feel good about herself, and remember she is not going to be able to do it by herself. she gonna needs her friends around her to help her through it.