This is a letter to an agent about my book - an attempt to get the agent to want to read the rest. It's got problems with it, no doubt, and I'd appreciate any criticism you could provide.
Does it properly answer who the hero is, what his problems are, and what the consequences of his choices will be?
If you stopped reading the query, where and why?
******
Dear Agent,
Derek never had a care in the world, until he crash-landed on the wrong one. Never mind that the poor cyborg doesn't remember getting a ship, or that his home planet might actually be gone, because right now he's stuck on a warped world of fantasy creatures, magic, and ruins.
He doesn't have much time to sit around, though, as the underhanded prophet who summoned him chose to drop him in an area owned by hostile aliens. Fortunately, she also sent him a human companion - a young woman named Mycah. He's as strange to her as she is to him, but the two forge a careful friendship as they dodge orcs, fight vampires, and deal with the disastrous consequences of Derek's naivety.
Because Derek's never had to work for anything in his life. He doesn't understand cruelty, neglect or starvation. He has to learn fast, and decide carefully: which of his ideals can be kept, and which will get him killed?
Chains of Loss, my science fiction and fantasy novel, is complete at 60,000 words. I have no previous publishing experience, but I won my university's annual short story competition three times, with stories that formed the background of Chains of Loss.
Thank you for your time and consideration.
Does it properly answer who the hero is, what his problems are, and what the consequences of his choices will be?
If you stopped reading the query, where and why?
******
Dear Agent,
Derek never had a care in the world, until he crash-landed on the wrong one. Never mind that the poor cyborg doesn't remember getting a ship, or that his home planet might actually be gone, because right now he's stuck on a warped world of fantasy creatures, magic, and ruins.
He doesn't have much time to sit around, though, as the underhanded prophet who summoned him chose to drop him in an area owned by hostile aliens. Fortunately, she also sent him a human companion - a young woman named Mycah. He's as strange to her as she is to him, but the two forge a careful friendship as they dodge orcs, fight vampires, and deal with the disastrous consequences of Derek's naivety.
Because Derek's never had to work for anything in his life. He doesn't understand cruelty, neglect or starvation. He has to learn fast, and decide carefully: which of his ideals can be kept, and which will get him killed?
Chains of Loss, my science fiction and fantasy novel, is complete at 60,000 words. I have no previous publishing experience, but I won my university's annual short story competition three times, with stories that formed the background of Chains of Loss.
Thank you for your time and consideration.