Any advice on talking to my bf w/o arguing?

[fantasygal]

I love my boyfriend very much. I adore him and he makes me feel wonderful. He has told me he was going to marry me since we have been dating (4 months now). I never doubted a word he has ever told me. Until recently.

My boyfriend always worries that he is going to lose me. He has expressed this to me on many occasions. I don't think he should worry because I feel there isn't a better man for me out there. Anyway, I believe that a relationship has to be open, honest, and trusting. Communication being key. I never would have thought he would have kept something I felt was important from me. Well he did. He had plans to attend a wedding with another woman and kept it from me for months. He knew I would be upset so he decided not to tell me. I suppose guilt started to get the best of him and 2 days after the wedding he mentioned that a female friend of his had left her makeup in his car. When I asked him about it, he said she was attending the wedding too and asked if he would pick her up. Well no harm in that. However, I knew that wasn't the truth. She actually told him they should go together months ago and he agreed. He finally confessed to having plans with her the whole time and keeping it from me. To me that was extremely hurtful. I'm pretty sure he didn't do anything physical with her but I still feel that he sort of cheated on me. He kept it from me then lied about it. When I try to talk to him about it all he does is gets defensive and argues with me. I don't want to argue. I just want to let him know how much it hurt me and how betrayed I feel. I have male friends but if I had plans to attend an event that my boyfriend wasn't invited to, I would make it a point to tell him that I was going to go with a male friend of mine. I would want to know how he would feel about that.

How can I talk to him without him getting so defensive and arguing with me about it. I don't think he understands just how hurt and betrayed I feel about the whole thing. I trusted him so much but if he refuses to talk to me about it and act as if it was only a ride and not a planned thing he deliberately kept from me, I don't know if our relationship is going to work. That really scares me. I know he loves me and I love him. If anyone has some good advice please share it.

 

[foxymosh]

The reality of this is that he lied and was deceitful, wether or not he slept with this girl there is no getting away from the fact that he betrayed you, in my book it deserves to end this relationship.

 

[Kennedy]

I think its better you move on.

 

[YakFrost]

what we have here is a good example of a guy tellin a girl what she wants to hear, so he can bang her.

 

[Jasmine]

Clearly you guys love each other very much, and i understand how bad it is to be betrayed i am 17 and i was dating a guy for 3 years and he apparently cheated on me quit a few times. But i think you should say to him that you want to talk , you don't want to fight and your not mad that he did what he did , you are just upset and hurt. You feel as though you two were comfortable enough with each other to tell each other stuff like this so you don't understand why he didn't tell yo about the wedding, and the other girl. and just explain to him you wouldn't have been mad if he had just told you right from the start, but because he didn't it makes you feel like he did something with this girl that he shouldn't have done. and if he continue to argue with you then just tell him you are just hurt and want to know the truth if he had done something with this girl.