Hi. I have recently experienced symptoms. Things like:
1) Frequently thinking about killing myself (although not all the time)
2) My daily life is constantly being disturbed by my depressive thoughts
3) I am sometimes slow
4) I have recently Self-Harmed, and I felt better after that (I'm not sure whether I did it because of fun, or anger at myself, but I think it was anger at myself)
5) My self-esteem is at an all time low
6) Sometimes, it is mere HOURS before my mood changes from extremely bad to just bad (possibly manic depression (bi-polar disorder))
7) I feel that I am a guilty person
8) I feel I have done bad things
9) I enjoy being in a bad mood
10) I feel hopeless
I think some of these symptoms are a vicious circle.
e.g. I feel bad, and then I know I shouldn't feel bad- so I think that I'm a bad person for making myself feel bad. That then, in turn, makes me feel worse.
The reason why I don't think it is manic depression is because my mood varies from really bad to just bad (manic depression sufferers' moods' switch from great to bad, which is different to the mood changes I am experiencing)
---Several things which could be causing my symptoms---
I have been going out for a girl for about 4/5 months. Everything was going great, and this was the first time I knew she was the one for me. But about 1 month ago, it seemed she lost interest in me. ---I don't want to make this seem like her fault because it wasn't. I guess it was just going to happen anyway (I don't believe the fate is set though).--- After that I started to have periods of time in which I experienced anxiety and fears that she was going to dump me (it sounds stupid I know). Rationally, I knew that it was going fine. But sub-conciously I knew it wasn't. Once it seemed like she was losing interest more and more each day, I asked her. She said she was, but she thought it was going to stop, and she would be happy and have interest in me again. It was like this for about 1 month, until finally the day I asked her if she still loved me. The answer was 'no' and that was that. (1 week on (still fresh)) I feel that perhaps I didn't deserve her, and that perhaps nothing good lasts forever.
Recently, my family have all fallen out with my brother. It is my mum, step dad, dad- all fighting just my brother. I had absolutely no-one to talk to, because everyone but me was arguing. Sometimes doors were slammed so much. On one occasion 2 doors broke, and a phone broke. Sometimes the arguments last from 4pm-10pm. It has calmed down a bit now, but is still a bit tentative to start again. I ust felt that there was nowhere for me to turn to- I felt I was on my own.
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At the moment, I feel bad/ok. But probably when I wake up tomorrow, I will feel really bad again.
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I have been trying to figure out why I think and act the way I do, (self-psychoanalysis) but it is really difficult. Because when I think I'm onto something new, it just leads me back to square one with the first suggestion of why I think the way I do.
That's about as much detail as I can give. If anyone here can offer a possible explanation and possible diagnosis of this, then that would be greatly appreciated. This could and will change my life so much to know atleast WHAT I've got, even if there's nothing I can do about it.
Also, if someone can suggest which type of mental health expert I should see (i.e. psychologist, psychoanalysist, psychiatrist, counsellor...) I would greatly appreciate that too.
I'm sorry this is so long, but my final possible diagnoses which I think I might be suffering from are:
a) Over-Anxiety Disorder
b) Manic Depression
c) Mild Depression- Moderate Depression
Many Thanks, James
1) Frequently thinking about killing myself (although not all the time)
2) My daily life is constantly being disturbed by my depressive thoughts
3) I am sometimes slow
4) I have recently Self-Harmed, and I felt better after that (I'm not sure whether I did it because of fun, or anger at myself, but I think it was anger at myself)
5) My self-esteem is at an all time low
6) Sometimes, it is mere HOURS before my mood changes from extremely bad to just bad (possibly manic depression (bi-polar disorder))
7) I feel that I am a guilty person
8) I feel I have done bad things
9) I enjoy being in a bad mood
10) I feel hopeless
I think some of these symptoms are a vicious circle.
e.g. I feel bad, and then I know I shouldn't feel bad- so I think that I'm a bad person for making myself feel bad. That then, in turn, makes me feel worse.
The reason why I don't think it is manic depression is because my mood varies from really bad to just bad (manic depression sufferers' moods' switch from great to bad, which is different to the mood changes I am experiencing)
---Several things which could be causing my symptoms---
I have been going out for a girl for about 4/5 months. Everything was going great, and this was the first time I knew she was the one for me. But about 1 month ago, it seemed she lost interest in me. ---I don't want to make this seem like her fault because it wasn't. I guess it was just going to happen anyway (I don't believe the fate is set though).--- After that I started to have periods of time in which I experienced anxiety and fears that she was going to dump me (it sounds stupid I know). Rationally, I knew that it was going fine. But sub-conciously I knew it wasn't. Once it seemed like she was losing interest more and more each day, I asked her. She said she was, but she thought it was going to stop, and she would be happy and have interest in me again. It was like this for about 1 month, until finally the day I asked her if she still loved me. The answer was 'no' and that was that. (1 week on (still fresh)) I feel that perhaps I didn't deserve her, and that perhaps nothing good lasts forever.
Recently, my family have all fallen out with my brother. It is my mum, step dad, dad- all fighting just my brother. I had absolutely no-one to talk to, because everyone but me was arguing. Sometimes doors were slammed so much. On one occasion 2 doors broke, and a phone broke. Sometimes the arguments last from 4pm-10pm. It has calmed down a bit now, but is still a bit tentative to start again. I ust felt that there was nowhere for me to turn to- I felt I was on my own.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At the moment, I feel bad/ok. But probably when I wake up tomorrow, I will feel really bad again.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have been trying to figure out why I think and act the way I do, (self-psychoanalysis) but it is really difficult. Because when I think I'm onto something new, it just leads me back to square one with the first suggestion of why I think the way I do.
That's about as much detail as I can give. If anyone here can offer a possible explanation and possible diagnosis of this, then that would be greatly appreciated. This could and will change my life so much to know atleast WHAT I've got, even if there's nothing I can do about it.
Also, if someone can suggest which type of mental health expert I should see (i.e. psychologist, psychoanalysist, psychiatrist, counsellor...) I would greatly appreciate that too.
I'm sorry this is so long, but my final possible diagnoses which I think I might be suffering from are:
a) Over-Anxiety Disorder
b) Manic Depression
c) Mild Depression- Moderate Depression
Many Thanks, James