NicoleelLouisee
New member
- Aug 1, 2010
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So, these past few days I've been asking questions about needing critique for my writing. I started to write a story in the moment of boredom, and thought to ask the Yahoo Answers community for opinions to get you all involved in helping me to improve my writing skills. Yet again, I'm back needing more critique... 
Here it is;
Reluctantly, a few minutes later, I raised my head upright, and pushed myself up. Stumbling to the door, I grasped a hold of the brass doorknob, with a great weakness of dread, lurking its way around my body. As I began to turn the doorknob, adrenaline poured into my blood, and my heart wildly struck within my chest, with an undying thought of someone waiting for me on the other side. I took a violent, heavy breath and closed my eyes, pulling back the heavy wood with the little strength I had. The door swung open, leaving me with a feeling that I was unprotected; that I was in the open without defense. My eyes slowly opened, only to reveal I was alone. I let out a sigh of relief. I’ve always wanted to feel safe in my own home, as like every other child in this world. But I couldn’t. It felt no more than a test of survival of the fittest. Each day that I fought through, I thanked in gratitude. Still, that never stopped the pain anyone felt. I shook my head, as if trying to shake out my thoughts and clear my mind. Gradually taking a few steps forward, still, I was welcomed with a sensation of loneliness; something I hadn’t felt for a while. Something wasn’t right, but I had no evidence to prove it was true. I carried on walking forward until I was stood at the top of the stairs. I warily looked down but only emptiness filled my sight. Tightly grabbing a hold of the banister, I walked sharply down the stairs, my hand followed smoothly against the banister as a precaution. I wasn’t the most balanced person in the world, nor was I the brightest, but one thing I did have was the ambition to do something wrong wherever I went. Accidents never failed to occur whenever I was present.
I do apologize if it's getting annoying. But improving this means a lot to me So I'm grateful to anyone who replies, with opinions/critique. I respect all answers no matter how harsh
Thank you!
Here it is;
Reluctantly, a few minutes later, I raised my head upright, and pushed myself up. Stumbling to the door, I grasped a hold of the brass doorknob, with a great weakness of dread, lurking its way around my body. As I began to turn the doorknob, adrenaline poured into my blood, and my heart wildly struck within my chest, with an undying thought of someone waiting for me on the other side. I took a violent, heavy breath and closed my eyes, pulling back the heavy wood with the little strength I had. The door swung open, leaving me with a feeling that I was unprotected; that I was in the open without defense. My eyes slowly opened, only to reveal I was alone. I let out a sigh of relief. I’ve always wanted to feel safe in my own home, as like every other child in this world. But I couldn’t. It felt no more than a test of survival of the fittest. Each day that I fought through, I thanked in gratitude. Still, that never stopped the pain anyone felt. I shook my head, as if trying to shake out my thoughts and clear my mind. Gradually taking a few steps forward, still, I was welcomed with a sensation of loneliness; something I hadn’t felt for a while. Something wasn’t right, but I had no evidence to prove it was true. I carried on walking forward until I was stood at the top of the stairs. I warily looked down but only emptiness filled my sight. Tightly grabbing a hold of the banister, I walked sharply down the stairs, my hand followed smoothly against the banister as a precaution. I wasn’t the most balanced person in the world, nor was I the brightest, but one thing I did have was the ambition to do something wrong wherever I went. Accidents never failed to occur whenever I was present.
I do apologize if it's getting annoying. But improving this means a lot to me
So I'm grateful to anyone who replies, with opinions/critique. I respect all answers no matter how harsh Thank you!